My DD is 6 and finishing kindergarten this spring. Both of her preschool teachers identified her as potentially gifted and she presents with many behavior characteristics that would fit. She is an exhausting child to parent, but a very good student and has consistently scored in the 99th percentile in her NWEA tests first and second quarter this year. Unfortunately her school district only uses one score, the NNAT2, and she didn't qualify for GT. Since she will be in a regular class of first graders next year, how would you suggest handling the explosive personality, perfectionism to the point of tears and easy frustration with others that she exhibits? Is this a bright, but not gifted, kid that needs a metaphorical firmer hand or could there be something else going on?

I've been looking forward to having some guidance from a GT program and teacher, but since that is no longer in the cards, I'm questioning if something else might be at the root of her behavior. Her kindergarten teacher has written it off as her being smart, be emotionally behind.

Welcome. I don't really have any advice, but wanted to say hello. I'm sure someone will chime in soon with some advice.

Can you get him privately tested. It probably won't help from the school but at least you will know what you are dealing with. It is very easy to just believe the school when they say your child will be fine and to just blame yourself for any problems. After all everyone else can make the techniques in the parenting books work. :-)

I agree with this.

My advise would be to take a two-pronged approach. One would be to deal with these behaviors as they are, because whether they're associated with high-IQ or not, they're still problems that need to be dealt with in the same way. They won't go away if your child is placed in the right academic environment... explosive children still explode, though at least in the right environment, they're somewhat less volatile.

The other prong would be to pursue information on whether your child was misidentified. For example, the NNAT2 is a nonverbal assessment... is she not a visual-spatially oriented child? If that's not her area of strength, she might qualify as gifted in a test that measures both verbal and nonverbal aptitudes. I'd see what options the school might offer in that area (maybe they offer the RIAS?), and if they're inflexible, seek outside testing.

Thanks for the responses. I've got Raising Your Spirited Child on hold at the library. We've run through a lot of parenting books, and an adapted discipline method from Beyond Time-Out worked for a while. Now it seems like we need to try something else and I am at a loss. Reading a lot on this site has been helpful, even if my kid is "just smart".

She's a bit of a mixed-bag, really. Since she's my oldest I feel like I'm not really able to put things into context well. She went from a handful of words to full sentences and identifying the alphabet upper and lowercase from 18-20 months. Reading little to nothing before the start of K last August, she was at Lexical 330 in December and is now fully into chapter books. Her long-term memory is great, especially if it was tied to an experience or something she saw. Sock seams must be perfectly lined up, clothing must not have any exposed elastic or rough fabric or there are tears and a wardrobe change. The child has never worn jeans. She has boundless energy, takes lots of physical risks and yet is incredibly awkward when trying to do something graceful like dancing.

Behavior-wise, she is easily frustrated when others don't understand her "vision" and blows her top if she can't do something right the first time. We went through a period when she would pick her skin to the point of always having scabs on her face when she started pre-k at three. She still has some trouble keeping herself controlled when there is a lot of chaos during classroom transitions.

Her school won't provide any additional testing because she is fine academically and isn't enough of a behavior problem. I can just as easily see her fitting onto the spectrum, or having some kind of sensory issue rather than any kind of giftedness. I think we are at the point of just wanting to know how best to approach her problems. What type of testing should I be looking for? Unfortunately, the IQ testing I've found in our area is $500-600 and the full work up is minimum $900. I'm not sure where that money is going to come from.

Gifted girls are notorious for hiding their abilities in school, like my DD did. This can then lead to other behaviors escalating, like perfectionism and meltdowns (again, this is what my DD did as well). Giftedness often looks like spectrum issues, or goes right along with it. Sensory issues and perfectionism are common with gifties, too. So I'd say, the first step in understanding how best to approach her problems is to get her tested properly.

As for the expense, I've seen several posters describe how they found a better deal by contacting the psych department at their local university, because grad students need practice.

awaz - Do you have health insurance? Most provides "behavioral health" alongside... you might be able to get a referral, and insurance coverage for testing with a developmental pediatrician, or a neuropsychologist under the guise of behavior problems and anxiety.

(That's how we got our son's testing covered... was like $40 co-pay and that was it.)

Reading your post sounds so much like my own daughter... my daughter is in kindergarten and I completely identify with the explosive personality/perfectionism/tears/frustration. And It. Is. Exhausting!!!

We did this the other way around... after her preschool teachers talked to us about her being "the most emotional one in the class" we called the pediatrician who recommended a psychologist. We already knew that things weren't right, but it kind of hit that boiling point where I just felt we needed a cool head amongst us to help figure things out. I am sure there are thousands of fantastic child psychologists out there... it didn't go great for us... BUT, I would say this is a great avenue to start with if insurance will cover it. (Any decent insurance should)

I know less than a lot of people around here about giftedness as like you, my daughter is in kindergarten and its our first child. But something I've noticed in my own daughter ... When she gets stressed, the emotional stuff/perfectionism kicks into high gear and the "thinking" part of her brain kind of goes blank. I wonder if this would cause your daughter's scores to under represent what the results of the test were.

So after hours of me on Dr. Google trying to figure out what was up with my kid (Is it ADD? Is it anxiety? Is it some other mental problem?) I opted to have her tested by an outside licensed school psychologist. She noted some of the same things.. but particularly how quickly she shuts down when she doubted herself... the stress emotions/reactions would kick in and she would just get kind of upset and ask when her mom was going to get back.

I think everything everyone has mentioned here would be good... a psychologist referred through your physician might be able to help you from a family perspective deal with having a tornado of a personality within the family AND possibly suggest another course of action. Its probably a good start. Also, if your gut is telling you that the testing she had done at the school isn't giving you the full picture, you could test her with a licensed school psychologist (outside the school) using a different test.

Good luck.... keep us posted and hang in there!

Thanks for all the suggestions. I've spoken again with her teacher about a meeting with the school psychologist and other testing options. I got the feeling that she thinks I'm making mountains out of mole hills. Next step is a call to the pediatrician. To complicate things my husband doesn't want to get her tested because he feels a label will follow her for life. I wish we were on the same page, but as he's only here for 10 minutes a day while she's awake, I'm willing to go around him for testing if need be.

I too have a DD like this - temperamental is a kind way to put it. Have you read Explosive Child? It has good strategies, in addition to Raising Your Spirited Child. Just another kindred spirit on that :-)

As for the test she took, someone else already mentioned the NNAT2 and its limitations. I'll second that -- my DS8 took that in K at 6yo. He scored a 7, which was high enough to make our school's GT cutoff (which, by the way, means nothing - there are no GT services/accommodations). This year, he took the WISC IV through school as a part of broader testing (for sensory issues), and scored well overall, but got his best score on the verbal part of the test - a 150. Without that score he'd barely make the 'gifted' cutoff again. So while he's overall very bright, he's actually gifted in one area - an area which the test he took before didn't capture at all. So your DD may do much better on a different test.

I agree with everything said here. I am very very new to this board (It's my first post). And I can identify with both your DD and Mel056's DD. You are describing my DS6 (well, 6 yo in June). He is at the tail end of Kindergarten. There were TONS of behavior issues at school. Explosive personality/perfectionism/tears/meltdowns/frustration.

We had been seeing a Psychiatrist who recommended us see a child Psychologist. We had 2 sessions for DS to get used to him and then 2 sessions of testing. We were really prepared for what we thought would be the worst and our assumption (along with our pediatrician) that our DS had ADHD. We were wrong. The smile on our Psychologists face as he was so excited to read off our son's test results was GREAT!

It lead us down a different path and into the door of a non-profit in our area. They gave us the tools to push the school and work with the Principal as well as with his teacher. As well as how to properly handle his emotions and thought process. He is what they call "The Perfect Storm" (a tornado of emotion). Ultimately, we came to the conclusion in a meeting with the Principal that he was butting heads with his teacher/her personality/and lack of firm structure in class. He absolutely hated school which only increased his behavior. He was moved to a more seasoned K teacher and into a more quiet and structured classroom in January of this year. It is LEAPS AND BOUNDS from his last class and he is excelling and enjoying school again.

Our current struggle is having him tested at the school by the district Psychologist and gaining so sort of accomodations for his "way of learning". He is still being forced to conform to standard classroom assignments and taught based on the majority. They seem to think that his lack of attention means he couldn't possibly be able to learn accelerated curriculum. For now, since things are going really well I've left it alone. But I plan to push it for 1st Grade. Our district doesn't have any gifted programs until 3rd Grade. And really hesitates to pull children into an upper class periodically.

I hope my post was helpful in some way. If not, at least know that I understand exactly how you feel.

Well, my husband and I met with a psychologist recommended by our pediatrician yesterday and DD will meet with her Monday. I'm not sure what will come of it, but at least three visits are covered by insurance. It feels good to know that we are at least doing something, but I got the vibe from the psychologist that she doesn't jump to testing. She did mention occupational therapy for some of the sensory issues.

Reading Raising Your Spirited Child is helping me and I got several more book recommendations in our meeting yesterday. I have the feeling I may not be getting the answers I'm looking for, but at this point dealing with the behavior is paramount.

DD's initial meeting with the psychologist was less than fruitful. She met alone for 45 minutes and then I joined them for the final 15. Is it possible that my child was putting on a performance, because I didn't recognize her at all. She was crawling around under the coffee table, rolling on the floor, wouldn't answer direct questions, was crawling in my lap and putting her head down and just generally all over the place. Behavior I have never seen before from her. Ever. The doctor just had us write down three things she could do instead of hitting when she gets upset and sent us on our way. Not what I had expected.

I called to follow up and asked about testing or further evaluation. Basically she thought we should just proceed with therapy every two weeks and get a feel for what behavior modifications we can help DD make. She advised that it might take a few months for DD to get comfortable enough to make any headway, but that testing isn't something that she does.

So back to the drawing board. My gut tells me that getting a complete evaluation is the correct place to start. I just can't see doing months of therapy in the hopes that eventually something will click. Especially when my kid seemed so incredibly disengaged.

Has anyone else seen a changeling appear before their eyes?

That is how mine acted with both a psychologist and social worker. I think it was his way of coping with stress. We were working on anxiety issues and it wasn't easy to be there.

As far as your psychologist... any gifted training? That makes a huge difference if that is a factor for your child. Also I'd say you are right about needing to get the testing done first. You could blow a lot of copays on counseling and get nowhere without the empirical results available through testing.

awaz:

That sounds like an anxiety reaction.

Do you know what the psychologist talked about?

Is it possible she felt pressured to perform well in front of the psychologist?

My DS7 has had reactions like that when he feels pressure to perform and isn't confident that he can succeed.

It doesn't sound like this Dr does Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which I would strongly recommend. I think it makes a lot more sense for gifted kids because it's logical and practical and focuses on real world problems and practising dealing with them.

Although her bio on her practice's website stated that she draws heavily from cognitive behavior therapy, it didn't feel very concrete or practical. Maybe I just had unrealistic expectations for an initial visit. I really thought we'd start from a diagnostic perspective and the "wait and see" is frustrating for me.

I guess I hadn't really thought of anxiety with this kid. She internalizes a lot and has never been able to talk about what she's feeling. Not a talker in general. She tends to explode at home when she's stressed and get quiet at school. Never a hint of separation anxiety or phobias. She's not a worrier about anything except her own performance, so I guess if she thought she was "failing" at talking to the psychologist that might fit.

I know that she said she liked school and her parents, and she drew a few pictures (she replicated pretty exactly one that another kid had done). I guess she could have felt pressure to perform, but I've never seen this kind of behavior before.

Good news is she hasn't been in trouble at school for a while and things at home have been a little quieter. I've also contacted a different psychologist that does evaluations for ASD and she recommended having her observed in the classroom and doing testing to rule out Asperger's. Not sure how I feel about that yet as her teacher already thinks I'm "that mom".