oh, thank you all! i left my proto-conclusions out of my post because i really wanted to see what the seasoned advice would be and i have so much confidence now.
i think i will bring in the "show and tell" since she's not showing her real self to them - that part isn't their fault, and if they are the school they claim to be, they should be excited to see it.
the testing is coming - i've been reluctant because of the confrontational aspect, but we are definitely on that path. if we'd been at the neighbourhood school, we likely would have done it last winter - it would have seemed like a "must-have", given my experience at the open house.
part of the reason i've been slow to notice the differences is that i've always assumed children have SO much in there if only we assume they *can*. i think my personal bias really clouded my vision about my own kid. it really wasn't until the school setting where i realized that even the self-selecting Reggio/independent families don't live every day in this heightened state of awareness and learning.
and the next conversation with the VP will concentrate on the emotional issues. our initial meeting was framed that way (by me) but we got quite sidetracked by the introduction of The Hurried Child. as parents, we have a duty to help DD with strategies to improve her school experience, and she has a responsibility to implement them, but the school (of *all* the schools) has a responsibility to do their part.
i really, really think she needs a grade skip at the very least - because our home environment is enriched (by her) already, and it is not reasonable to expect her to do 100% of her meaningful activities at home. hilariously, the teachers suggested an online math program i could do with her - totally missing the point that at home, we don't really need one because she sees math *everywhere*.
thank you all, again, for reaffirming my plans - i know it's a long game, and we may be right back here in a few years, but i feel like i'm catching up a bit and you have all really helped me!
