dating at a young age doesn't seem to have contributed anything particularly positive to their siblings' lives.
in general, the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing at this age isn't necessarily a given.
Couldn't agree more with this.
She sees herself as unlikable and unworthy in this respect, which I think is an unhealthy self-image to cultivate since I'm not convinced that it is her. ............
I'd love to know what to say to her.
...............
So far, I've been trying to get her to view each relationship as a 'learning experience' and getting her to recognize 'healthy' versus 'unhealthy' relationship dynamics.
I think the best thing for a girl this age to know is that it's NOT necessarily healthy or even normative to have had multiple romantic entanglements by the age of 13 (or 15, 16... maybe even older!)
It's good that you're trying to help her approach her breakups as learning experiences, but what is she actually learning here? Sounds from what you've said that her self-image is taking a beating, the relationships she ends up in are "unhealthy", and you even used the word "abuse"!
While it's totally normal for a 13-yo to become interested in the opposite sex, it's also reasonable and (IMO) most appropriate for parents of young teens to just disallow dating at this age. Honestly as far as learning about relationships, there's not much good that can come of it, and a lot of bad (as you've already related.)
I think it would be helpful to your DD if you could gather anecdotes from gifted women who have made it through their adolescent years and come out on the other side happy, successful, and well-adjusted, having finally found a peer group they can relate to.
If somebody could have made me understand in my early teens that it's REALLY okay to not have romantic relationships in one's teen years, I would have felt a lot more normal. (I had my first date at 18, and looking back I don't think my life would have been enriched at all by moving that particular milestone up by 5 years.)
Wondering... I thought your DD did online school, so where is she meeting all these guys?
ETA: I got so worked up about the dating, I realize I didn't address what you said about her need for regular friendships. I imagine you've already tried seeking out other PG kids for her to interact with, but since you said you don't live in an area with much of a peer group to choose from, keep looking further afield. Have you heard of this?
http://pgr.shuttlepod.org/There may be more like this but I haven't seen one... or maybe you could even start a gathering of your own!
