Wow, Flower! How amazingly patient you were! Kids are not bad seeds...but they learn quickly what they have to get what they need in life, and sometimes that means manipulation, becoming the aggressor, and shutting out vulnerable feelings. You helped her learn there is a different way. I grew up in a very adversarial household where weaknes was exploited. Adults outside of my family taught me that I didn't always need to be so prickly.
I like the idea of explaining the different ways to handle conflict to kids: passive (doing nothing), aggressive (attempting to hurt others physically or emotionally), passive-aggressive (being hurtful in an underhanded way), and assertive (seeking to get your needs met openly but not hurtfully). Sometimes
we have to use differing styles based on conflict (principal confronts you: passive, someone tries to kidnap you: aggressive, etc). I see that 'mean girls' are masters of passive-aggression. The best way to shut town someone who's
using this sharp little tool is to call the aggression out. "I REALLY like your hair (smirk) ." Call out: "The way you said that makes me think you don't. See ya." I practice assertive comebacks with my clients who are dealing with mean girls.
I also think it's fair to recognize most kids play both sides with different friendships. I get really annoyed with anti-bullying programs that tend to
demonify bullies instead of helping us to see we are all potential bullies.
Last edited by Evemomma; 07/11/12 06:41 AM.
