Hey, everyone,
Thanks for the thoughts and discussion. It's been very helpful, although (I guess I should have expected this) I'm still not sure what might come up with DD in the future. And I honestly didn't mean to start something that might tick anybody off, although I guess that's pretty much inevitable given the subject. However, I bet that there are other kids who are like DD who are going to think through these things themselves, so it is good to be prepared!! Or at least try to be.
Here are the 'talking points' I think I have:
1) There are gender inequalities in part because we are mammals, and still in some parts of our brains are driven to act like animals in the wild (or Victorians, who were in some ways strikingly similar, but with manners
). Thus we as a society are concerned with (for women) fostering maternal behavior and (for men) ensuring that the children whom we treat as our own actually are genetically our own, lest we waste effort on the progeny of another man. (Caveat--because I bet it will come up--the latter does not apply to adoption! But that's because it's knowingly taken on as a labor of love, rather than a deception)
2) OTOH, given the availability in the present time of presumptively reliable birth control and paternity tests (pardon--assuming for the sake of this discussion that birth control is 'perfect', because the alternative is not the point here), and the fact that women can now work and earn as much as or more than men in many jobs, why can't we as thinking humans reason through these things and overcome our 'base' animal instincts to behave rationally? (i.e., aren't the perceived risks of unmarried, protected sex due to some artefact of evolution or social constructs that are now obsolete, rather than being a rational concern??)
3) On the [third] hand, this gets me back to the original question because if one accepts (2) above then the reason for teens not to have sex is because 'I told you not to', right?? (DD and I have not gotten all the way to this point yet, but were on that path this AM and I imagine I will be faced with it soon). This does NOT work to convince DD in almost every context. And I am old enough that I still share some of the biases against girls (or boys, for that matter) having sex when they are not 'ready', whatever that might mean. But I am still stuck without an answer that I can really get behind philosophically, because 'I told you not to' doesn't cut it for me, either.
4) Re gender inequalities, a) there are studies that show average pay for women is less than for men, but OTOH I think usually there is an argument that at least many of those studies are comparing apples and oranges (like different level jobs, or part time versus full time), but then again it can be very hard for working moms or dads to find jobs that allow them the flexibility to care for their kids, and how is that good for society?? and b) (sorry--new to the thread, but has been raised by DD before) no, you are a girl so you can't go topless (except in certain places like some beaches usually outside the US) whereas boys and men can because...(generally see (1), NOT that I am arguing in favor of this, just--how does one distinguish in a principled manner between requiring women to wear some kind of top (even a bikini top or sports bra) versus having to wear a head scarf or body covering in other societies)?
I should probably just shut up, because I'm not trying to start or encourage a political or philosophical argument, it's just that the more I think about DD's questions (and likely future questions) the more I am wondering, do these rules really make sense, and if not, why can't we as a society think through them and change them at least going forward?? Maybe that is already happening and I just don't realize it because we are pretty 'mature' parents and really only know DD. So hopefully all will work out for the best.
Thanks very much for all the thoughtful comments,
Dbat
