DD6 has tons of input. We pulled her out of K last year and homeschooled her because it was obvious she was becoming miserable. We brought her back to school for 1st grade and the GT program because that's what she wanted to do, because she wanted to have more friends. Now this year things are better than they were with K, but there are still some concerns, and right now we're working with the school to find some solutions, primarily based on the feedback that she has provided to us.
After all... if she doesn't tell us what's going on, how can we address it?
2gift: It sounds to me like the school is looking for an answer, and since it's so easy to blame the parents (it absolves them of responsibility), they're reaching for permissive parenting as an excuse.
The school's apparent refusal to even consider moving her to another class distresses me, as does the counselor saying that she might be refusing to do the work because she WANTS (or maybe thinks) to be homeschooled. It seems they are both asking me what her deal is, which means I have to discuss this with her, yet they are also saying to NOT talk to her about it or let her think she has control over it. Wouldn't it actually be better to let her *think* she has control, when in reality, of course I am making the important decisions?
And here, it sounds like the school is advocating authoritarian parenting, where the child gets no input and the adults make all the decisions. Terrible, terrible, terrible.
You're absolutely right to talk to your daughter about all of this and get her input. Ultimately, she doesn't get to make the final decision, but she does need to know that her opinions matter, that you care enough about her well-being to listen, and that she's not completely powerless to affect her own little world.
Because if the school really wants to figure out "what is her deal?", they're not going to figure it out without your DD's help.
As for why the rewards aren't working, I'd venture a guess based on some of the other comments you've made that the reason she's not doing the work is because of depression, which is too much for a sticker or a lollypop to correct. It's common in kids who are gifted and not challenged (we saw it our DD in K). I'd say a more drastic change is in order, because this classroom environment is not appropriate for her.
