This is all so new to me, I don't know how to deal with the disabilities office, I am not even sure what to ask for. I guess if the current teachers are not helpful, we could plead for a medical withdrawal. I guess we should be pro-active and contact the disabilities office at the dream college ahead of time but again, what do we ask for? Can we demand the kindest, most approachable, nurturing empathetic and engaging teachers? :-)
Absolutely talk to the disabilities office at dream college. They are likely to be able to help set your DD up for success. Some schools have coaches who check up on disabled students to make sure they are turning up for class and meeting deadlines (this could perhaps have prevented this semester's calamity, and it sounds necessary). They may indeed be able to recommend teachers who are empathetic and understanding-- they can't change the rules, if assignments have to be turned in, that's real, but they can offer accommodations of many kinds.
The trickiest thing is your DD hasn't had the diagnosis long-- so she doesn't know what accommodations to ask for or probably even understand how much she needs them. That's where your current therapist (if there is one) or diagnosing doc can be useful-- that person should make a list of things that are challenging for DD, and then you talk about that list with the disabilities office and make a plan together. DD has to buy into the plan.
And there has to be continued help in building skills, so she will be less and less reliant on accommodations and more able to manage her own executive functioning over time.
This takes a long time-- IMO you cannot expect magical improvement, even in a new setting, but you can expect sustained learning and improvement if your DD is motivated to do that.
Hang in there,
DeeDee
