College admissions turned out to be a disaster... I applied to a total of nine universities: Brown, Caltech, Harvey Mudd, NYU, UChicago, UW, MIT, UCLA, and UC Berkeley. I was accepted to only three: UW, NYU, and UCLA. ...This is just the latest installment in a dreadfully long personal history of failure.
This is *NOT* a disaster! This is *NOT* a personal failure.
You may have unrealistic expectations...?
Caltech hurt the most. My fluid dynamics professor had gone there for his undergrad and master's degrees and strongly recommended the school to me. He wrote my recommendation. It seemed he was happy that it would be such a good fit. Then they didn't take me.
*Most* applicants are not accepted. You are in good company. You still have the support of your professor, and his vote of confidence in writing your letter of recommendation. Please do *NOT* dismiss the strong positives... be grateful for demonstrated support and encouragement.
Being chosen as a Semifinalist for US Presidential Scholar helped to boost my self-esteem temporarily but the inevitable elimination in the final round only reminded me that I'll never achieve anything worthwhile...
Again, *most* are eliminated and do not earn the title. You are in good company.
I don't want to go to college at 18. It's a sick joke.
Being accepted at UW, NYU, and UCLA... and beginning as a matriculated student at age 18... are *NOT* negatives. You might want to consider re-evaluating the fine opportunities before you, and concentrate on how to optimize them and make them work. This will engage your intellect and will include owning past mistakes and learning from them, so you can make better decisions as you mature... rather than focusing on the past and languishing in regret. Consider the value of enjoying validation, affirmation, and challenge as they come, rather than needing a "win" to boost your self-esteem. For example, you mentioned volunteerism... you may find that type of service to your fellow man and your community is insightful and rewarding ("giving" of your time and talent/ability rather than "receiving" acknowledgement of your talent/ability). You might also enjoy challenging yourself to take note of something you appreciate, are happy about, or grateful for, every day. Photography, especially cell-phone photography, can be helpful: an inspiring sunrise, interesting cloud formation, delicious meal, beautiful flower, gentle firefly, shade of a tree on a hot day... myriad simple joys not to be overlooked.
