Hi Anisotropic.
I think you've been sold a narrative that may have been somewhat true in your parents' or grandparents' day, but it isn't true now and hasn't been at least since I was applying to colleges.
No one is guaranteed a spot at a big-name university. It doesn't matter if you have the writing talent of Shakespeare, the mathematical talent of Gauss, and the musical talent of Mozart all rolled into one. It's a lottery. It says nothing about you that you were rejected from the places you wanted to go.
I hope you can take a step back from the emotions that are overwhelming you, and realize you aren't alone.
I'm also a PG person who hit a bad mental health wall and was no longer able to achieve (in my case, my senior year of college). I seriously considered suicide. I had to do a lot of grief work around this - mourn the narrative I was sold that some Amazing Future was due me just because of my intellect, mourn the dreams I'd had of becoming an academic (which is also a lottery now, and no one is guaranteed it), mourn who I was told I was - while working in an exploitative CS job after graduating by the skin of my teeth.
The narrative that's spun about PG people is a mirage, a castle in the air. We're supposed to be The Future (tm) and Achieve Great Things (tm) - not be regular people with regular pesky human emotions and needs.
It's better on earth. And you can still achieve things that make you proud after hitting the wall. I promise. "There'll be new dreams, there'll be better dreams, and plenty, before the last revolving year is through." -Joni Mitchell
If you'd like to talk to me privately, either here or on another platform, I'd be happy to talk to you.
