It's clear you're smart and unfortunately, you won't be recognized as such by everyone - though it can be very frustrating - schools, jobs, etc. just will not pick the brightest most creative people because they are usually not looking for those things, imo.
What they want - compliance to norms. Paper records of 'achievement'. People-persons (not all bad, but...ug).
The point someone made about grieving the 'slam dunk life' we were sold is oh so true. Life is freaking hard and disappointing a lot of the time and frankly, a lot of that has to do with $ or the lack thereof.
I'm probably guilty of instilling some of those pipe dreams in my own kids as well.
I have an extremely gifted couple of kids here, one of whom is now 20 and in community college. While always very bright seeming and testing very well when time is not an issue, with asperger's, add, and later the physical exhaustion of POTS, things have not been a straight line at all for this guy. But he realizes if he wants to get to his goals - fluency in Japanese, math studies, computer science type job (hopefully), moving out of the house (!) and continuing to animate on the side, that he has to keep plugging away. A lot of this is not fun. A lot (LOT) of his classes and professors suck. Bless their hearts, they suck. For him, at least. Issues include not 'getting' his various accommodations and only putting them in place late in a semester, using but then not supporting some third party homework software, being mind-numbingly dull, poor information, poorly worded tests, etc. One or two have been genuinely ok.
After a rough couple of classes he has gotten on a more even keel and *seems* to be doing ok. He still can't even take more than 2 or 3 classes a semester due to still working through some of the exhaustion. But he has what most studies point to for success long term :grit.
I think there are many threads on this site on that elusive quality; how do we instill it in our kids, etc.
But, I know it's hard to have 'stick-to-it-iveness' when you're dealing with mental health hurdles - that is not my point. Definitely focus on getting healthy, feeling good and then taking one step at a time.
That is my point: it's not all or nothing, small steps are O.K! 1 single community college course just to get the credits going. Or a certification in computer science if you need to get a job and put food on the table (not sure your circumstances). Baby steps. (My husband btw, went to college without some final h.s. credits and does not have a h.s. diploma, but has a b.a., after 8 years of a few courses when he could; I.Q. way the hell up there. )
My son will not be graduating with his 'cohort' - but really they never were his cohort to begin with, and now literally everyone is going to have odd gaps and strange bumps in the road with covid-19 throwing everything into a tizzy. Well, maybe not everyone in New Zealand.
p.s. maybe you can reach out to new people online and get some conversation/camaraderie going - my son has also done that where people he would meet irl where just not into the things he's into (eg: golden age japanese cinema.)
