I realise I am late to the party, but couldn’t not respond. I once hit a very horrible wall in my life, and had the luck to come up against a pair of very smart docs who said “this is not you talking. This is your depression talking. Take your meds and wait for them to kick in and this WILL disappear”. I am sure you are aware that antidepressants take some time to kick in for most people. (I am actually a pretty fast responder but the crisis was so deep.)
You NEED to get off that substance abuse and on antidepressants. Don’t make any decisions until you fell yourself coming back. It may have happened for you already or not, but it must happen. You may not be able to find a good therapist, ever. I never did. I make do with talking regularly, every 8 weeks or so, to the psychiatrist who prescribed my meds. A psychiatrist should also be able to get you a medical withdrawal from that English class. Unis might actually not care either way.
I cannot stress the reliability thing enough, for real life.
