Thank you so much everyone! I feel a lot better now. Not about the school, but about my son. I feel like everyone is so negative, all of these assessments and forms and none of it is about what the kids are good at, it's all about their deficits.
My son's autism is so mild I sometimes wonder if it's even an accurate diagnosis, but when he is with other kids and I see them interacting and him playing alone (repetitively) I see it more than I do at home. I have him in tons of stuff: Music, Mygym, kids museum membership, social skills class once a week (not through IU), 3 friends we do play dates with weekly, as well as therapy. I also am renovating my extra room right now to set it up as a classroom and plan to run a free preschool prep program for any kids who want to stop in working on school skills and social skills. I feel this is the better option for my son than tossing him in a regular preschool where no one has special training in Aspergers.
My son has no serious acting out behaviors, but it is very hard to keep him on task or get his attention. Before I had him I worked as a TSS with autistic kids for 5 years, so I was able to avoid most of the behavioral issues associated with the diagnosis, unfortunately this also makes him look too good to receive most services.
The IU only has classrooms for low functioning or severe behavior kids (and flat out told us there is no way they would accept him in their preschool program), so if I want a class appropriate for him I would have to look for something private. I have not found anything yet in the area and I fear we would have to pay out of pocket, with me not working out of the home I don't know how we can afford that. I am definitely not OK at this point with putting my son in day care, I fear he would be ignored and left to line up toys along the walls all day. I hope my home preschool idea works out well and gives him the skills he needs to start preschool at 4. I really don't want to set him up for failure.
As far as the IQ assessment goes, I was there for his whole evaluation, they asked him a few things like big and small and had him do some color matching and a ring stacker. That's all I remember and I assume this was the IQ estimate portion. A teacher friend said that he would have had to have gotten 3 things wrong in a row if it was the standard IQ test for his age and he didn't get anything wrong, it was all stuff he could do at 1 and years below him at 3. I signed the IEP the day they presented it to me because they were behind on everything and he was already 3 and they said we could start services the next week if we signed and basically if we didn't it could take months to get him started. I wanted the services. I asked and was told we could make changes at any time. Once our private OT evaluation is done I intend to use the results to fight for him to get OT at the school as well.
The school basically tried to convince us that he can memorize, but little else and that when it comes time for abstract thought he will not be able to do it. I know I have seen some of this problem myself with older autistic kids, but my son already seems to think more abstractly than some of those kids I worked with in elementary school, so I'm not sure this will apply to him? The other day my sons dad told him no he couldn't go outside and my son said "I'm allowed to go because there is a green light somewhere!" I thought that was pretty decent thinking for a 3 year old and certainly not a statement one would make based off of rote memory.
Speaking of the word rote, I'm sick of hearing it. Our first EI therapists constantly repeated "he is so rote". Whatever. Sorry if I seem a little bitter, but I'm sick of being the only one who gives my kid a chance and sees something other than a diagnosis. I also had a very bad experience with our EI therapists where they said he wasn't on the spectrum and my parenting was causing his delays because we shouldn't work on teaching him useless stuff for 2 year old like letters and numbers... which I didn't teach him anyway, I really can't help what he learns through reading standard baby board books, now can I?
Anyway, long rant, sorry. I really appreciate the advice and now feel more like things will work out in the end and I feel confident to really just focus on social skills. I did bring out his puzzles and magnet letters and educational toys, the EI people insisted I put all that stuff away so he would stop focusing on academics and work on socializing. All it did was cause him to do non-functional stuff like line things up. I can't believe I listened, but I just wanted to make things better and so I trusted the "experts". Bad choice on my part and really set him back in all areas.
I know I probably sound like a crazy rambling person, but it's really how I feel right now :p I just want to do what is best for my son who is a wonderful kid and I honestly feel that if they keep treating him like they are it will not help him at all. It's rough knowing that we will have to wait years to find out what's going on in his brain, but I feel more confident now that I am right and he probably is very smart. I have a great memory myself (don't mess with my family in a trivia game, lol), so I like to think it's genetic and not another autism issue. Thanks again, it really helped me a lot
