we are in a very similar situation. Our younger son just turned 3 couple days ago and back in January was diagnosed with high functioning autism. We do have the option of sending him to a special education preschool that's under our public school district but for now we have chosen to just go with speech, occupational and social skills therapy and will not be doing the preschool yet. The school wants us to send him to preschool if not now then at least no later then in the Fall but we will most likely be holding off till he's 4 and more ready for it. Now, this is special education class so I'd think your son would do fine in there if you had that option. There is no way I could send our son to a regular preschool. He wouldn't last a day.
We were facing that same decision not too long ago with our older son, now 4.5. He has a PDD-NOS diagnosis though we are somewhat debating whether it's correct or not. It might be Asperger's or possibly just Anxiety issues. We also held off and did not send him to preschool at 3 years old and just did therapy and then sent him in the fall after he turned 4 and he's doing great. He just wasn't ready yet when he was younger.
So, what would happen if you sent your child to the regular preschool and he had issues there and you had to take him out? Are there any other public options where they would have to accept him given the behavior issues?
Also, I just went through the IQ vs. splinter skills thing with DS3 as well. When we did the Autism evaluation, they "blamed" all the advanced things he does on splinter skills but I really don't see it that way. I doubt he would have splinter skills in so many different areas. He's OVERALL very academically advanced (and very behind socially) and he clearly understands what he does, it's not just some magic "stuff" he pulls out of his sleeves due to the diagnosis. So I would definitely NOT agree to having a low IQ estimate put in his IEP.
One of the things we are considering is finding other ways to socialize outside of school and homeschooling for awhile and just do outside therapy based on the real needs at the time.
