I think your school is full of it. The usual problem is that kids with Asperger's are gifted and have a harder time "proving" it because of issues with testing. I've never heard anything about AS kids "looking gifted" when they really aren't. I could be wrong, but someone will undoubtedly come along here with that side of it if it's the case.
I would definitely not let them put an IQ "estimate" on the IEP -- that is just so wrong. The point of having IQ tests is so that idiots at schools don't have to guess. However, I would also be careful about getting the school to do an IQ test, as Asperger's can lead to some questionable results and they would undoubtedly be very attached to their test results if they were low and could be used to say "we told you so" to you. See what you can get out of private testing, if that's an option, though it may be a bit early for doing that. Then you can choose to share the results or not, depending on how they turn out. My DS with Asperger's has still not come up with what anyone thinks is a true IQ # after two tests -- one when he was 6(?) and another last year that was 20 points higher than the first. His results are so odd, and at odds with his achievement and what everyone knows they should be, it's pretty pointless. But I would definitely not allow their "guess" to be on the IEP, and don't sign it until that is gone.
Keep up the social skills training -- everything our school counselors and outside counselors have done for DS is just amazing, and the only thing I could wish for is that we had started years sooner.
It's possible that waiting till he is 4 to start preschool would be a good thing, but you can keep teaching him (or letting him learn) stuff in the meantime. You're probably looking at grade skipping in the future, but there's no sense holding him back now to try and prevent it. DS was not allowed to skip into K, but they did let him skip over it the next year and go into 1st. He's been accelerated in math since 2nd grade, two to three years varying, and will be skipping 6th next year. Schools invariably worry about "what will they do next year if we do this now", but there's always more to learn -- it's just a matter of getting them to make it available. It's not like you run out of math just because you learn some of it sooner.
**And everything DeeDee said, because she snuck in ahead of me while I was typing.
