Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What to say at get-togethers... here ya go:

Ugh - I struggle with letters too! We used to include a short letter with our x-mas cards (short enough to be glued on the back of a photo card), but I just have a hard time writing about what our kids are doing.

I just got a letter from someone saying their homeschooled 5 year old started 1st grade curriculum over the summer. I know this family personally, and their 5 year old is not a reader yet and they are using a packaged Waldorf curriculum. Why do I find this irritating? Probably because I'm constantly filtering what I report about my son in particular, and I live in this area with plenty of competitive parents. That is just not me. And it actually is part of the reason it's just easier to HS. I can't imagine what kind of reaction I'd get if I said our 3rd grader was ramping up to start high school math. I've noticed even more acutely lately people don't really "get" it unless they're living it too.

As a fun compromise this year (and to appease out of town relatives who complain I haven't done a letter for a couple years), we did a photo card this year of some travels and events. It has 8 pictures on a 5x7 (from shutterfly.com) and I just described the pictures and said where our next travels will take us. I don't even know if everyone we send cards to is aware we are homeschooling, which would be another interesting bomb to drop in an x-mas letter for some older aunts and uncles!

Yet if you told him he was playing basketball on a 3rd grade level, they'd all cheer.

*sigh*

which is generally my response to people who "blame" me for making the biggest "mistake" of my son's life.

This is a subject that comes up on here every so often. I used to be like everyone else and kind of downplay what DS was doing. Then one day, my DS asked why I lied since I had told him many times that lying was something we just don't do. Out of the mouths of babes.....

Since that day, I've been honest. If someone asks me a question, I answer it. I do it in a very matter of fact manner. It has caused some issues on occasion but those who know my son understand that it's a hard ride and wouldn't want to be in my shoes.

I definitely do that too, but I feel like I at least try to do it in a way that is not bragging or competitive. I never lie or downplay accomplishments. I just don't necessarily bring them up or share with the general public the difficulty of keeping up with a HG+ kid. I feel like the local homeschool community in general has been very laid back about where different kids are in different areas. DS is a young stand out in his book club, for instance, and I've had different moms approach me and say he sounds like a professor, etc without trying to compare him to their own kids.

But going into intimidate detail in an once a year holiday letter feels different to me. People who know us well already have a feel for why we homeschool and who DS is. Now that he is a little older and isn't in school, he exposes himself on a fairly regular basis.

This is what I try to do, as well. I tend to over-think things most of the time (how will this be received? will they know what I mean to say? I hope I didn't hurt X's feelings, etc.). My husband has told me this on more than one occasion and when I stop and think about it (yeah, more thinking), he's right. I figure if I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings or step on anyone's toes and I'm being honest with my answers, then I can't go wrong. I can't always hold myself responsible for how other people are going to interpret what I say or do - everyone's perception is different.

I don't go volunteering all kinds of information, but if asked, I state the facts as I know them . By the same token, I try to keep an open mind when it seems that someone else is 'bragging' and realize that they may not be intending to step on my toes either.

Definitely can relate to this. My DS5 is in first and he gravitates towards girls most of the time, and then 2nd grade boys on the bus (school only goes up to 2nd grade). It is defintely tough. We have had no playdates, although we do Odyssey of the mind but the 4 others on his team are all girls. Only one parent knows he skipped K. I don't think others in the classroom know either, although who knows what kids tell their parents since he gets significant differentiation. It was odd the other day when a parent from Odyssey was complaining about the curriculum and the spelling words and writing them 3x each. I think she thought it was too easy and just a waste of time. I agreed, but it was strange since my son has completely different words and tasks.

Get togethers with most of my family and friends are fine. They get how different DS5 is. But with DH's family they mostly get it, but my kids have cousins around the same ages. I also have DD2 that is quite brite. She will be seeing her cousin who is also 2 but almost 3 (7 months older). So it will be strange, I know she talks a lot more than him but I am hoping it is not that obvious. Everyone has been accepting about the older boy, but they don't know about my DD2 yet and her skills. That will be interesting to see.

Can't you say things about school that don't involve specifics of what grade/level they're at, though? Our letter talks about what DS thinks of his teacher and what his favourite subjects are and what clubs he's doing and what he thinks of piano which he just started this term, and how our journey to school is going [that's a bit specific, we have an "interesting" travel issue]. That adds up to quite enough of the letter being about him, without saying anything that implies he's ahead.

Well, did we all survive the festive get-together?

I did, just, but gees it can be soooo tiring keeping your mouth shut to keep the peace. (that's grinning and bearing it!LOL)

I find that family members seem to find something else "wrong" with dd#1 in order to make her academic advancement more acceptable. Yes, she's in 7th grade, but she's immature and I have to remember that she's a young 11. She's really not immature just b/c she gets emotional sometimes or b/c she confides in family members that, at times, she feels like she doesn't fit in with the athletes at middle school. I wish that they wouldn't turn her confidences against her and as proof of her not being all that great.

12 and 13 year olds get upset at times too. Typical aged 7th graders feel like social outsiders, too, at times. Her teachers tell me that she fits in quite well socially and that they had forgotten that she had skipped a grade.

That aside, the holidays went reasonably well.

I found it amusing when friends/family would bend down and ask Miss 5 in their cutesiest voice whether she's going into kindy or pre-primary next year. Only for her to look at them like they're from Mars and say "No. I'm in year 2!" They very rarely asked any follow up questions...jojo