Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What to say at get-togethers... here ya go:

Here go you. It is that season where there are parties with friends/families/co-workers where perhaps only 1% even know about your kid or your family's 'gifted' secret.

I'm dreading upcoming conversations where the mom's talk about what their kids are doing ... in the past I don't say much. I think I'll probably not say much again.

What do you say? Don't say? What do you wish you could say?

Serious and funny stuff welcomed.

Well, I'm kind of out of the closet. I don't go out of my way to tell people about my kids' academic abilities, but I don't hide them either. If something relevant comes up, I'm honest but matter-of-fact. It often turns out that I can just talk about what they're doing without having to mention their ages.

Val

I use Wolf's grade instead of his age most of the time and even then it is interesting since he is working 1-3 years above his accelerated grade!

LOL We should get our boys together they sound like a good match! Even down to the placed in 1st as a compromise.

I do try to avoid the subject, but when it comes up I use the grade instead of the age. He really does look 5 so he still gets the looks when he reads in public, but generally if I say he's in first they just figure he looks young for his age...

Why all the eggshells? Parents are supposed to brag. I'm 23 and my dad still brags about me - which is less embarrassing than it used to be, thanks to me being in another country most of the time.

Parents of star athletes talk about their kids' games all the time. Parents of average-ability kids who just played Shepherd #2 in the school Christmas play gush to their friends about how their little one stole the show. Parents whose kids just got into university (or East Mayberry Community College, for that matter)? They buy the sweatshirt and wear it every day until it falls off them in a heap of thread. If your son is five years old and thinking like a twelve-year-old, there's nothing wrong with talking about that - ESPECIALLY not in answer to a direct question asked during a conversation you didn't even start!

Gifted kids all too often get the idea that their abilities are something to be hidden because others would be shocked, or jealous, or would feel bad about themselves by comparison. The last thing they need is to see their parents avoiding the subject.

Lol, this is extremely culturally variable (I mean culture at the local level, i.e what happens in one's own group of parents - can't speak to whether there are higher level patterns too or not). None of the things you mention would happen among the parents I know at DS's school - this is one of those environments where it seems fine to talk about what your kid is bad at but not about what your kid is good at! Yet the conventions among my colleagues who are also parents is a bit different. Sounds as though what happens among the parents you know is very different again!

This subject never ceases to amaze me. Whilst one parent can without batting an eyelid, gush til their heart's content about their child's abilities, another will (like me) be super cautious for fear of bragging ..... and then how knowledge of another kids abilities can be received, from genuine interest and encouragement, to out and out resentment.
The tricky thing I've often found is that by not 'telling the full story' I think I sometimes confuse matters more. I envy those of you who have no problem saying it just how it is.

Many 3rd graders are overwhelmed this year with the big spelling words and 5 pages of worksheets to study for tests. One Mom came up to me and said how hard it was for her son. I really like this Mom. She was quizzing me on what my DS was doing and how long it was taking. I tried to avoid it and then just said you shouldn't compare to him. She became insulted and said she had a smart boy too. I felt so bad. I did not mean that at all.

The same conversation a few days later with another Mom I handled differently. I just said yes it's feels like too much. But for my DS it just feels like a lot of too much busy work not challenging learning. Misery loves company not someone showing them up. This felt better like we connected instead of disconnect. But it also felt like a little lie.

2 boys on DS's baketball team are making most of the shots. They are really good. There Moms are not bragging about it. They don't have to hide it. I'm a little jealous. Maybe it's good my son is not the one making all the shots becuase he can see different kids excell like he does at school. He really works hard at sports to be better and does not seem afraid of the challenge. He likes the goalie position in soccer.

DS4 has an older, ND cousin who is also in kindergarten this year, so we go out of our way at family gatherings not to say a peep about DS4's abilities or school experience. This can be trying for two reasons: 1) the cousin's mother freely brags (in a healthy way) about her son's accomplishments, while abiding the family's tacit agreement not to acknowledge or inquire about anything my son is doing, and 2) the ND cousin believes he has the right to boss my son because my son is younger than him. At Thanksgiving, I felt like telling him that age doesn't matter, given that the boys are both in kindergarten and share the same interests, but I think the fact that my son started school early has made the age-based pecking order all the more important to everyone--not less. I'm still not sure how to deal with this, and we'll be together again at Christmas.

I'm at the point now, that I really don't care what adults think of me. I have a great circle of friends.

I don't openly brag about my children, but if someone asks a specific question, I will honestly answer. I'm just as proud of my children as everyone else.

If the children enjoy playing together, they will continue to play together. It doesn't matter what they score intellectually.

Funny memory. A few years back at T-ball, a mother came to me and told me my children were lying about their ages. I asked her what they said. Well, they told her their right ages. When I explained my children were correct on their ages, she just looked at me and walked away. I could see the confused look on her face.

The kids continued to play together and it was fun for all.