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    spook #54516 09/04/09 09:51 AM
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    Quote
    Trying to influence where your child will end up when they hit the employment world?
    ...but it sure is fun to guess!
    I have my money on my DS3 either becoming a lawyer....or a professional bull rider whistle

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    Originally Posted by Floridama
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    Trying to influence where your child will end up when they hit the employment world?
    ...but it sure is fun to guess!
    I have my money on my DS3 either becoming a lawyer....or a professional bull rider whistle

    LOL. I pegged DD as a future kickboxer when she was in utero, and I still think that's a viable option. wink

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    Originally Posted by Floridama
    Quote
    Trying to influence where your child will end up when they hit the employment world?
    ...but it sure is fun to guess!
    I have my money on my DS3 either becoming a lawyer....or a professional bull rider whistle

    Hehehe, so there'll be a lot of bullpoop involved either way? laugh

    I can see my GS10 becoming a lawyer...it'd be a shame to waste his arguing skills!

    Wren #54522 09/04/09 10:43 AM
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    Originally Posted by Wren
    After having DD4 fall backwards, after sitting crosslegged on the picnic table, head first onto concrete on Tuesday, I think object lessons are really relative.
    I think my lines drawn for object lessons were reasonable -- and, no, this is not something I'd stand by and watch/let happen to any child. That wouldn't be a lesson at all; that'd be cruel & irresponsible. Certainly there's plenty of fuzzy gray area along that dividing line between "object lessons" and "child endangerment," which parents need to discover for themselves.

    Originally Posted by Wren
    I don't want DD experimenting with drugs or a friend with benefit. There are things I cannot control when she will be 14.
    Have your kids volunteer in a cancer clinic/hospice care environment. In the scouts, our troop volunteered for over one summer month @ 3x's week. The stories we heard first hand along with the images we saw were infinitely more powerful than the most "serious" video about drug abuse that we were forced to watch in school. 30+ years later and not a single one of us has ever been mixed up in drugs... and those of us still in contact credit that experience first and foremost. That was an object lesson, too.

    Originally Posted by Wren
    So why is not letting your child eat PB different than forcing my child to eat the fruits and vegetables when her problem is with her bowels. Your allergy is more of an exception than her physical problem?
    If lack of fruits & veggies causes icky bowels -- and does not risk loss of life, limb or eyeball -- hopefully the child (with parental guidance) will be able to make the connection between healthy diet and happy bowels.

    Our kids were wickedly allergic to dairy as infants and at that age, it was our responsibility entirely. Now, as kids, a little too much milk still causes considerable discomfort (to put it mildly). They once were at a friends house & had a big milkshake, despite knowing that they weren't supposed to. Both of them were in turmoil that night & we had no trouble connecting-the-dots with them. Two & three years of "Don't drink too much milk"... "Don't drink too much milk!" ... didn't work. But it's been 18 months since the "Great Milkshake Incident of 2008" and they don't even hear the ice cream truck anymore.

    Contrast this with my sister's kid who apparently has such a severe reaction to peanuts that anaphylactic shock is almost a guarantee... and my sister even keeps a tracheal tube in each vehicle just in case. So, no, I wouldn't advocate a "let him find out for himself" approach here.

    I know that parenting styles vary wildly; and despite my absolute perfection in all other realms, I probably will make a mistake in child rearing at some point in the future. So I sure as heck won't sit here and say my way is the best for everyone -- it's just the best for us.

    This old ditty has worked very well as a guide in our family for as far back as anybody can recall: "What doesn't kill 'em, makes 'em stronger."


    Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house. - Fran Lebowitz
    Wren #54528 09/04/09 01:07 PM
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    Originally Posted by Wren
    Discussing this theorectally.

    grin

    Originally Posted by Wren
    And how many of parents out there have to "force" kids to do homework. Apparently none who responded.

    I do. The lesson for him is a little different than cause and effect, though. Actually, I guess it depends on what is considered "force". That being said, homework has always been the mother of all battles in this house, because he doesn't want to do it, doesn't see the point, thinks it's too easy, would rather do anything else, and any other reason you could imagine. Eventually, the horror of facing the teacher minus homework wins out and he opts for the lesser of two evils. It used to take lots of patience, reminders, raised voices, focus directing, and just plain old "sit your backside down and get it done" on my part. However, now that I've imposed a time limit on getting it done, it's less stressful (for me, anyway) - if it's not complete because he did everything but, then it's packed up and he can take it to school incomplete (the lesson being, we all have to do things we don't want to do and we only prolong the misery by putting it off). If that's "forcing", then yeah, I do it.

    spook #54567 09/05/09 02:43 AM
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    Totally get your point Spook. And if DD chooses to smell the flowers, fine, as long as she can support her lifestyle. I am a firm believer that you go to school to get a job and after school you support yourself.

    That is how I grew up and everyone I knew. This thing about kids living with their parents after college didn't happen, unless rarely.

    My brother brought up his son that way, who is a generation older than DD. My nephew said he wanted to be an NHL referree. My brother said fine, but I am not paying your tuition. He took engineering instead, got a job, is now married, bought a 5 bedroom house and is very happy and proud of himself and his success.

    DD doesn't have to become an engineer and buy a 5 bedroom house. But I expect her to support herself when she gets out of school. I totally get going to the army and I totally get trades -- I did get an engineering degree. I just don't see DD doing that and she has said she hates crafts, so Martha Stewart she aint. She loves science experiements but sitting still, quietly is not her thing. She likes the adrenlin rush. She is almost my clone in that regard. And why I think I will teach her to trade when she gets to grade 7. She is visual spatial, she is way more strategic than I am and I made my living on Wall Street that way. Doesn't mean she has to trade but it is easy work, that makes at least 7 figures rather than 6 with managed risk on little money. And will support her habit, should she choose to smell the flowers. More likely explore tidal pools -- her summer afternoon hobby.

    Ren

    Wren #54568 09/05/09 03:07 AM
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    Hi Wren

    Don't get me wrong, everyone knows their own kids the best and we all like to imagine what they will be when they grow up - I'm with Floridama on Lawyer but reckon he could make a good actor too - shame to waste that gift of the gab but who knows... I do know what he won't be and that's an athlete, dreadful motor skills, an artist - ditto, an astronaut or airline pilot (his picks), unless we sort the anaphalactic (sp?)thing first.

    But my mum always thought I would go into politics - future PM, I always wanted to save the world and had very strong views as a teenager on the state of it. smile (oh how we grow up). But like you say when the reality hit that my parents would have to pay for me to go to Uni and I couldn't see them sacrifice any more it was time for me to stand on my own two feet and support myself. Then life simply took over and I think my mother is still upset with me but heh maybe her expectations were a little too stars and not enough flowers?

    DH and I was just talking today about our 8 year plan (we've just bought a coffee shop franchise) and need to sell our gorgeous home to help offset some of the cost but that's ok we think we have it worked out (?!) and we said the main thing is if DS makes it to Uni we would like to make sure he can make it through debt free - then he's on his own. So at the moment our mantra is guide and provide then keep our fingers crossed it all pays off and he keeps his old folks comfortable in their old age!

    Good luck with the whole Trading thing - we still don't trust the markets after we lost a heap of money back in 1986 and were glad we stuck to property here, (which I don't think has suffered here the way it has in the US).

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