Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion why are people so quick to write off children?

My DS5 is 2e and was was bored out of his mind in his local Montessori preschool/K class...so we decided to homeschool him for Kindergarten this year since no one seemed to know what to do with him and they don't really offer any gifted services for K children...he is flying through Singapore Math and I tested him on all the Dolch reading words up to 3rd grade and he knows every single one of them...and we are having a ball with homeschooling. Last week he researched all of the world's bullet trains and he compared/contrasted the speeds of all of them and made a spread sheet with the highs and lows....anyways, homeschooling is a hit but he still has an IEP with the school system and he gets Speech and OT.

He is great with his OT and has never had any issues with her at all..she seemed to understand him from the start. Today we went in to his "home based" public school for his Speech therapy with a new speech teacher and he was immediately uncomfortable with her and the setting. She never even really spoke to him at all, she was very cold - she spoke mostly to me and when she did speak to my son, it was like he was a dumb 5 year old kid that doesn't understand anything...so he quickly figured out that she wasn't very interested in him.She read a preschool story to him and then asked him some really dumb questions about the story and he pretty much tuned her out because it was completely boring. When my little guy is uncomfortable with a person he either shuts down and doesn't say boo or he acts silly. So of course, he went the acting silly route....he knew all the questions she asked of him but to him they were so dumb, he didn't feel the need to answer them. Not the best in behavior I agree but that is just the way he is. I told her to explain what she was trying to do...she wanted to hear him pronounce different sounds to hear his speech issues....so I explained to him what she was doing and he did exactly what he was asked. Geez...talk to him like he's a human and he'll act like one :-) So the session went on like that - she treated him like a dingbat and he felt no need to respond to her....add in that she was literally right in his space and has a really loud voice (not a great combination to use on a Sensory Disorder Child) and you end up with a useless Speech session. As we were finishing up she looked at me and out loud in front of DS5 said in a not so nice tone..."you really have your work cut out for you don't you". She then went on to say that he "obviously" doesn't have the ability to sit for his required sessions (he is supposed to get two 30 minute sessions each week) and that she was only going to do one time a week with him for 30 minutes because he "obviously can't focus". His past Speech teacher he has had for years, has never had any issues with him. So here is this lady, who spent less than 15 minutes with him and who thinks all 5 year olds must be stupid and she has already written my child off as a behavior problem who can't focus when in reality she has an extremely bright child on her hands who would prefer that she read some form of non-fiction or at least a book on his level and ask him questions that were on his level and actually talk to him like he had a brain. So I have no idea where we are going from here with her but I was fuming when she made her really rude comment pretty much insuiating that my son was a problem when every one else has shared with me how much of a really neat child he is to work with. It just gets frustrating that with really smart kids people either seem to "get them" or completely write them off as a problem

Sounds like a bad match. Is there any chance you could get a different speech therapist? Maybe next time you could bring in some appropriate reading material for her to use with him and say that your DS is really interested in this topic.

Yeah, what happened to the "old" speech therapist?

There are so many children in need of Speech therapy at three schools that are within miles of each other that the 2 therapists (the old one and the newly hired one) are being split between all the children at those 3 schools so they are having to travel between all 3 locations. The old therapist has been around for a long time so she is being put as the lead therapist and most of the children that were assigned to her were labeled "priority" children with high needs...the other newly hired therapist is taking the other children who need services....my son only needs 2 30 minute sessions a week so is considered low priority and went to the new hire. Our county had massive budget cuts this year which is causing this sharing between schools instead of each school having their own therapist like they had last year.
I had planned on what Cathy A shared - I am just going to have his old teacher call her and talk with her about my son and will bring in some materials for her to use and hope for the best.
I just get so frustrated because I saw this a lot when I was teaching before I had my son...the minute a child shows that they are "not the norm" to teachers who have very little patience or creativity, they are written off as a problem child.

I feel your pain! My dd2 needs OT/PT but can't even get in for the eval, without many other unnecessary steps being taken (i.e. Hearing and vision screening - she saw an Audiologist and Opthamologist just last month and yet the school nurse has to do a screening.)

Hopefully for you, the new THerapist will turn out to be good for your child.

Me too, Belle. I'm so sorry your DS had a change of therapists. I know kids don't always do well with that under far less extenuating circumstances.

It's understandable to be frustrated, especially with your "inside info".

I wish you luck in staying strong and helping DS through this.

Mamabear, I hope your child's services comes through soon.

I'm so sorry, Belle! Yes, it is painful to watch someone dismiss your child when they have no understanding of him. I think your suggestion of having the previous speech therapist call the new speech therapist is terrific, as well as bring in more advanced material. I don't know if you could speak to the new therapist alone for a few minutes before the next session and explain that you DS is very advanced, and that she should try to imagine that she is dealing with a 3rd grader instead of you average Kindergartener? With her attitude and her instant snap judgements, it may not make a difference.

I know that I have had to take my DS aside sometimes and try to explain that people do make snap judgements about people based on behavior, even though this leads to erroneous assumptions. We had a terrible time once, not too long ago, when DS had to get his blood tested for a latex allergy. The nurse took one look at DS, judged that he was anxious and uncooperative, and made the snap decision to call in another nurse, grab him and hold him down for the blood drawing. He screamed and thrashed and was furious over the entire event. We had a long discussion afterwards, while he was still shaking with fury, that people do make snap judgements and that you have about 15 seconds sometimes to convince someone of your willingness to cooperate. I then explained that snap judgements also are formed when the person feels overworked or pressured to move on to the next task. (We were sent to a pediatric urgent care for the blood drawing and the waiting room was packed!) I don't know if my eight year old absorbed this or not, and I don't know whether your five year old could, but it is something that these intelligent, sensitive kids will ultimately figure out. It might just take a very long time, at least for my little guy!

Fantastic perspective, I had not thought of it that way.

I'm going to try to remember that next time I'm getting ready to charge like a bull!

I'll chime in as a therapist, too.

MON has a point about some therapists just needing some direction and being able to respond to what the parent suggests and provides about the child. But I would also caution you to not spend too much time in that effort. I often have parents tell me about therapists who are just, quite frankly, not good with kids. Most recently I heard about a speech therapist who actually belted a 3 y/o into a booster seat at the table to get him to "focus" - like that was going to work!

There is both a science and an art to being a therapist. Some people get the science but not the art. Some are really good at relating with the client but not knowledgeable in the science. Like any other professional, you get a full spectrum of abilities, knowledge and expertise. It's up to you to find the person with what it takes to meet your needs (or in this case, your child's needs). Don't settle for less!

Belle,

My first speech therapy session was pretty much like that when I was in 2d grade due to the great resentment I felt towards school having been transition from a K4-7 Montessori. It evolved into later sessions where I would read middle school level books aloud while the therapist followed along.

I cannot recall what the trigger was for her to re-eval her approach - I just recall we starting a new approach. Maybe my mom clued her in - I don't know.

Just some perspective from a former DS.

Edit:

Ebeth hits it partly, too. Both sides make snap judgements - logical vulnerabilities are triggered - and reason goes out the window!!!