Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion DS feeling sad about school

Hi:

I'm wondering what to do, but mostly I just feel like I need to talk about this. DS9 told me tonight, once again, that he feels sad most of the time. He told me he feels sad each morning when he wakes up when he thinks about going to school, because he has no freedom and never gets to learn anything. He said his most happy recent day was when he woke up and realized school was out for the summer.

I was totally unsuccessful last year in advocating for a grade skip in math for this year. I was totally unsuccessful last year getting last year's teacher to differentiate for DS. I applied to G&T program for this year but DS's great (level 4 out of 4 levels) but not perfect NCLB "competency" test scores (the criteria for admission to GT for 4th grade) did not meet the cut-off.

Homeschooling is out. DH is actually unemployed as of this last Monday but not interested in trying home schooling and not really in a good frame of mind to handle hs or childcare right now. (he WASN'T an investment banker or mortgage lender, just a workaholic IT guy at an IT co that went bankrupt)

I fantasize about starting a continuous progress school for bright, motivated learners....no grade levels, lots of reading and self-propelled study with guidance from a real teacher in a real classroom, with other kids who love to learn, lots of recess and playtime....

Any idea of ANYTHING I could say to his new teacher that would make things better and get him accommodated in some way?

Also, any reassurance that any of the private schools we're applying to would be any better?

I am feeling so sad for ds. Sad for dh, too, but this isn't the forum for that!

bk

oh bk - he sounds like my DS. I just want to send hugs. I'll let the more seasoned among us handle the advice.

I can relate to that. They see no purpose in attending school. DS8's favorite school time is lunch/art. I have been feeling somehow guilty lately myself for not doing anything abt school and letting him "just go" for all these years.
I'm sorry to hear abt your unsuccessful attempts.. but u at least u tried! I hope you will be able to find some new solutions soon here! {{hugs}}

Well, in that it isn't a support board for people who got laid off, it's true. But, at the same time, your DH's emotions are probably having an effect on all of you right now and that has got to make everyone in the house feel sad. And bright kids are often more in tune with the sadness, worry, and confusion that job loss creates. Make sure you let him know he can share his worries about the job loss with you and make sure there are extra hugs for everyone!

Here's a hug {{{hug}}}}

Hugs from here too.

I'm so sorry BK1. Is partial homeschooling an option? DD8 is so much happier. Blissfully unaware of the tension it seems to have created between myself and the school. I won't go into details now. It's never a cakewalk with these kids.

So sorry about the job loss. My DH lost his job right when we moved into our house several years ago. I think the stress of it on him was much worse than the financial difficulty.

My little one seems to pick up on sad or stressful feelings no matter how hard we try to pretend everything is okay.

Hang in there!!!!!

I hate to be a downer, but don't count on too much from the private schools. We moved from 1st grade in public to 3rd grade in a small private and things aren't much better. It's only been 6 weeks, so I haven't escalated things yet, but it's coming. I don't have any answers for you, sorry.

My DH is very hard to live with when he gets laid off (he's in construction so it has happened several times - twice after we'd just bought a new house!), so I understand about that.

I love your fantasy school! Can we come? If it is so obvious to all of us, why isn't it obvious to someone who could actually do it? I guess that's what Davidson is all about. Perhaps we need to get them to franchise. Or, mabye get Bill Gates to build and fund our fantasy school. I'm rambling, so I'll go to bed now. Hang in there!

Not sure this would help - but have you checked out the appeals process for the GT application? We were able to add more info to our ds' application and this resulted in him being accepted.
He was pretty sad about school when we started the whole process and when it finally came through, it has really helped turn him around on the whole idea of school. (keeping fingers crossed that this holds up!)

On speaking with the teacher, definitely approach with an open mind and set up a time to chat. Let him/her know generally what you are interested in discussing so they are not taken by surprise. Let them know you want THEIR opinion on the best way to move forward - basically you need to butter this person up!

Keeping your son's interest and spirits up about school/learning needs to be your initial emphasis - possibly not even mentioning the gifted question, but use terms like very bright, used to be very interested in learning, used to love school, etc. Whatever you think will paint the picture of a decline in enthusiasm as a problem for everyone to work on. It won't be a pat, oh this will fix it answer, but you might move forward an inch at a time. Keep ds in the loop on what is happening, that you are still trying. Don't let him think you have given up! (I know you haven't but kids can get funny ideas!)

Applying to the private schools should help keep spirits up, at least for him, but do be cautious as squirt points out. We looked at a private gifted school but felt that, at least in our case, the public schools were doing nearly as well with differentiation and they didn't offer much in the way of visual arts and performing arts, which for now is our ds' greatest interest.

Lastly -
Is he involved in much afterschool/extracurricular stuff? This can be a real lifeline for kids whose needs are barely met during the regular school day.
Heck start your own after school club to keep him generally interested in doing stuff!
I say this with zero experience and almost no extra time (working mom) but have just volunteered to start a comic book making club at our school.
Not even sure it will get off the ground, but ds is totally into this sort of thing right now and I think it *might* be a great way to pull together a group of like minded boys/girls for a fun hour or two every couple of weeks. We have the added incentive of there being no established clubs yet at this new elementary school so maybe we've got a shot!

Anyway, best of luck to all in your family

bk1: I'm sorry I don't remember from before, but do you have other IQ/achievement scores for your DS? Sometimes it helps to have testing done, or even ask school to do the testing. In the last 2-3 years of advocating big and small accommodations, I found that starting with the teacher is good, but may not be enough. Ask the teacher for help, try to make her your ally in solving the problem. If that doesn't get you anywhere, you may want to escalate things with the principal.

Also consider afterschooling, if hs is not an option. DD9 did well last year doing some higher level math on the weekends. We did the book Challenge Math, which isn't a formal curriculum, so we just pick and chose what she wanted to learn about. That kept her interested enough to "survive" the school year. Also knowing that she was doing the Explore test was motivating.

Jen

Nothing to add to all the wisdom you've received. Just my own pat on the back for you and good wishes for better days. <reassuring smile>

Bk1 I�m really sorry to hear that your son�s school situation hasn�t improved yet. I applaud your efforts and encourage you to continue with them. I�m also sorry to hear about your husband being laid off. That happened to us a long time ago when I was newly pregnant with our oldest. I can understand why your husband isn�t up on the idea of home schooling for now.

I would encourage you to pursue the private school route in addition to continuing to work with your local district. I�ve lost my romanticism for public schools although I realize there are vast differences among the best and worst schools even in the same state. Private schools can also be very different from each other. It sounds corny, but you may want to look to the mission statement for insight into the philosophy of each private school you are considering.

The last private school our kids attended was a better option than public because it allowed greater flexibility in the form of early entrance and grade skips. This school was far better suited for our dd than our ds based on the temperament and priorities of many teachers. Our daughter also lucked out by landing in the very smart class/year which resulted in faster, more rigorous instruction than my son experienced two years later.

The HS and MS/HS they attend now are EXACTLY what we were looking for. They each happen to be single gender schools which I think benefits my son especially well since the teachers there CHOOSE to work with intelligent, high energy boys and in most cases, used to be intelligent, high energy boys. Also, most teachers hold a minimum of a master�s degree for their specific academic subject so they are experts beyond the grade level they are currently teaching. The school culture is so very different than what he had experienced previously and he is now thriving both academically and socially. -This is quite a reversal of fortune as compared to this time last year!