Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion "Good problem to have" comments

So how do you address this when it comes up? It's already come up for us once (and my way of handling was in agreement -- this is a better problem to have than being at the other end of the spectrum).

Just curious. In many ways I think we're fortunate that we're not dealing with other possible learning or social disabilities that could come up. At the same time the reason that this argument is brought up is to say "be glad you're getting this much." It's not been said maliciously. But given everything that is on an admin's plate, I can understand their feeling.

No impending crisis. Just curious on how you guys have dealt with it and I saw it mentioned in another thread.

JB

Hi JB,

I figure that even though something is a good problem to have, it's still a problem that has to be solved.

I try to break my problems into what I call their constituent parts. In this case, barring other issues I don't know about, I see two parts: the part that makes having the problem good (high intelligence) and the part that has to be solved (keeping your child challenged in school).

So, sure (you can say to the school if they ever try to dismiss you), it's great that your son is a bright kid. But that doesn't mean his educational needs can be ignored.

I understand the administrator's problem, but I honestly don't care too much. They know what they're getting into when they take these jobs. The schools give a lot of extra help to slow learners, and they shouldn't use this fact as an excuse to minimize the needs of the quick ones! They would *never* make this statement to the parents of a disabled child. Umm. It's a challenge to make this statement gently <ahem>.

Val

It's common to hear this. In fact, I've heard so many parents of gifted children say they've been told this, that I suspect it is in a book somewhere that is called: Dummies Guide to Managing Parent Expectations.

This is usually what I say. I think it's hard for people to understand why and how high IQ can cause problems.

Yeah, I like that. I'm filing that away for when I need it.

JB

This doesn't address the question exactly, but this is how I explained it to my mother-in-law.

30 point swings on the IQ scale make a huge difference. Compare a IQ=70 child and a IQ=100 child. If an average IQ kid was placed in a classroom filled with and designed for IQ=70 kids, then they would be very under-challenged. The same is true for most MG gifted kids of IQ=130, who are sitting in a classroom designed for IQ=100 kids.

Most HG+ kids are somewhere between 15 points and 30 points (???) beyond even the kids who make up most gifted programs. So you get into the same problem if you put a HG+ kid in a classroom designed for MG gifted kids.

Heaven help the HG+ kid who is sitting in a regular classroom and only given an hour a week of MG pullout classes. You are getting into a 45 to 60 point difference in IQ? I read in a book on exceptionally gifted kids that it is akin to watching a 2 hour movie in slow motion. It would take 6 hours to watch a 2 hour movie. Day after day after day..... zzzzzzzzzz

I guess my answer would be different depending upon who said it.

If it's casual conversation with another parent (who is not the PTA president or something), I guess I'd just sort of go along with an "It could be worse" sort of comment. If it's someone whom I think I could educate, then great. But I think you have to pick your battles, and this one might well be unworthy of fighting.

If it's a teacher or school administrator, however, I would be somewhat less amenable. This response is an attempt to say that it isn't that big a deal. So whatever your words, your message has to be, I think, that it is a real problem, and it's a problem that could become very serious if not taken seriously. I think you have to make it clear that it's not okay to minimize the problem.

I like ebeth's comparison, just to give a hint of what an HG+ child is up against, assuming you can fit it into a polite, bite-sized form. (I'm not very good at that!) Or I might mention the dropout rate for GT kids, or the rate of depression and suicide. But my goal would be to say something that would make clear that this is not something that should be taken lightly, not something that can be pooh-poohed away.

Maybe start with, "Well, I don't know if I'd go that far. Underchallenged HG+ kids are subject to a lot of serious problems..." Something polite and gentle, but clearly disagreeing, too. And offering info to back the claims of harm.

That would probably be my approach...if I had time to think through my response instead of just blurting out an incoherent "Nuh-uh!" I'm afraid that's more my usual M.O.!

Did she do this on a one or one conversation, or was this during one of those wonderfully engaging and productive PTA meetings?

I guess it depends on the PTA president. If you think she's a lost cause, I'm not sure I'd bother trying. You're pretty good at reading those things. But my tendency would be to say the same sort of thing I'd say to an administrator. I'd want her to know that underchallenged GT kids pose a real problem and that they can have serious problems as a result.

I can't believe she rolled her eyes at you about the GT teacher! Sheesh!

Oh, if she has little power, then I think you're right that she's probably not worth it.

Our PTA president has some power and a pretty big purse (the PTA regularly buys computers for the school!), so it can be worth making our case.

Gee, I'll hazard a guess that the board members aren't real big fans of her either. Here, the board members and district level administrators have the real power.

I might tiptoe around her and ask the principal if there are any plans to replace this person(Edited to add: I mean the GT person who retired, not the PTA mom, although now that I think about it.........). It's always good to be friendly with someone on the board.

Anyone who actually rolls their eyes right in front of you?!?!?!

That's so telling. If it weren't so rude I would find it very amusing!
I think you would be spinning your wheels with this person.

((shrug))

Obviously! Apparently, neither was intelligence; does she not think those kinds of comments are eventually going to come back and bite her in the butt?

In response to a comment that indicated the news of GT-ness was a blessing and NOT a problem my husband said something along the lines of: We are indeed very grateful for the blessings we have been granted. But we are also faced with challenges much as anyone else is. We are just looking to do the best we can as parents for our child's unique needs. Now what can we do to solve the problem at hand?

I was duly impressed. And it moved the conversation back to solving the problem that was the reason for the conversation.

I really like your DH's response! Sometimes our discussions get polarized and this finds the middle ground that recognizes both the joys and the challenges of GTness.

Here here to your DH's response! Very nice.

As a parent of a now 4.5 year old, we have encountered this "good problem to have" comment several times already. But having only the worries about future challenges in school, I didn't really think much about a response. These ideas will come in handy soon, I think. Thanks all.

(And re: eye-rolling PTA foolishness - wasn't it Austin's DW who asked eye-rollers if they had a medical problem? I'm looking forward to trying that sometime.)

I couldn't imagine it otherwise, but I know I'd be fighting for the right fit for my kids whatever their IQ. The best teachers that match their sensibilities, best curricula to match their learning styles, additional services if they were delayed (so why not additional services when they are advanced--or at least acceleration?). I wouldn't presume to tell someone else their issues are not as important as mine, because they are as important as mine to THEM. However, gifted kids (esp. highly gifted) are the disadvantaged group because people have such a bias against highly able kids (they equate it with a privileged, elitist population, less deserving of funds, attention, concern).

Ohh, I like your new avatar.

Nice job, Doodlebug and DH.

Let me know when they imply that they shouldn't have to do anything special for your child becuase there is/there are a child/children that are smarter. I'll let you know what to say to that one.

At this point it seems as though it's never personal although it feels that way. Our kids do need special services but that's a real slippery slope for the schools. There is only so much funding, they administrators have to decide how to divvy it up and then have to CYA in case they are questioned about it later.

I think it's wise for us as parents to present the compelling case for allocating resources for kids who are already ahead. KWIM?

Sorry, Neato, but I just got back to this thread. We've actually had that response. Back when we were first advocating for the early entrance to first grade they gave me that line about "we have other advanced in our school....." and how they weren't offering them anything special either. At that time I pointed out that at the moment I was only concerned with *my* child but perhaps after we dealt with *this* issue for him then the school administration could deal with the larger problem at hand - that of *many* bright children being left behind!

Thanks for the avatar compliment. It's my "bloom where you are planted" theme!