Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Are Gifted Couples More Satisfied Than Non-gifted?

While folding laundry today...

My mind was wandering and I suddenly thought, "I wonder if DS will be happier in marriage than his dad and me; or not."

The reason I was thinking this isn't because I'm unhappy in my marriage of nearly 30 years, but because of DS' unique "quirks" and thinking of how those idiosyncrasies will cause difficulties for him in a relationship. I then wondered if he married a gifted woman, if those same qualities would cause him more or less grief.

So, I Googled...

What do you think of this: www.positivedisintegration.com/Perrone-McGovernetal2012.pdf

What is your opinion/observation of relationships in which gifted individuals are with gifted, versus with non-gifted?

No time to read the link at the moment, but fwiw, my observation just among the people I've known throughout my life is quirky people come in all flavors of IQ, high IQ people come in all ranges of quirky through "normal" (whatever that is lol!), and people find happiness in all kinds of different ways. I would suspect that most of th people I've worked with over the years in a similar position to mine have relatively high IQs... and it's basically a mix of couples who stayed together and couples who split up. Overall, I'd say the greater risk factors for unhappiness in marriage were not IQ but were factors outside the marriage relationship that the couple couldn't help (health issues, challenges with children, or other adults zooming in and trying their best to break up the marriage)... and sometimes combined with having grown up in a household where their parents marriage didn't last.

But those are just my hunches based on the limited sampling of people I know

polarbear

Have you read anything about the Harvard Grant Study on men's health?

I tend to think you're correct, pbear.

Whether or not a person is gifted or not really shouldn't be a factor...or should it?

This is where I wonder.

If you have two people who are at polar opposites (grin) in their perception of the world, how can such a relationship survive?

My personal POV: If you have two people who don't see the world in somewhat similar ways, those two people will "butt heads". So, if you have a gifted person and a non-gifted, wouldn't it follow that they will have a higher likelihood of conflict?

I'm bored today apparently, so I've been fantasizing a scenario...

DS (Now married/committed relationship) comes home from a long day at the office and his DW/D? has made a gourmet dinner after her long day...

DS takes a bite and declares it tastes, "Blue-Green" and grimaces.

Oh-Oh.

Unless she understands his viewpoint on food and color, what is she going to think? I mean, regardless of the fact that he obviously doesn't like what she has made?

No. Can you provide?

https://www.google.com.au/search?q=Harvard+Grant+Study

Wikipedia summary on the study is first and a bunch of articles about it... I just bought the last book published about it and will start reading when I finish the series I am reading at the moment:

http://www.amazon.com/Triumphs-Expe...88&sr=1-1&keywords=triumph+of+experience

Ametrine - research suggests that most people marry within about 10 points. Obviously there are limits if you're way out there PG. But most couples I am friends with, including one I can think of who IS way out there PG AND "quirky" are well matched with their partners.

Why would you marry someone you can't have a conversation with?

This is interesting to me because I know one couple and the guy is a genius - really, really smart... Amazing in his field. He is also a super nice guy and never (at least for my husband and me) makes a person feel stupid or inadequate. Really easy to talk to, etc. His wife? Not bright. I mean, really, not bright. She's very nice but she is also a bit immature emotionally (she comes form a neglectful childhood so that didn't help her cognitive or emotional intelligence). She waits on the husband, though - hand and foot. Very subservient and sees him as a God. They seem happily married and my husband and I are always perplexed ... We're like "what do they talk about?" But maybe husband enjoys not having to be "smart" around her ? Don't know.

Interestingly, the article frequently mentions life satisfaction, alongside marital satisfaction.

Like pbear, I can't say anything definitive about gifted relationships observed, but there are resources which help develop both the gifted individual and an individual's preparation for a lasting relationship.

On the gifted side, there are books like The Gifted Adult, by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen. Duke TIP has an article by the author, titled "If Only I Had Known: Lessons from Gifted Adults" (link).

On the relationship side, there are books like the little vintage mini-book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, which poses seven simple but thought-provoking questions - none of which touch upon IQ.

Hmmm. Not sure. We are an example of gifted+non (me yes, him no). We've worked out all (or most of) the kinks, and the net result is that as long as I meet him at his level, I'm free to occupy whatever head space I wish. Works for us