Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Little Negotiator

Here is a typical Mr W (4y0m) attempt to get what he wants.


DW stops to get gas. Mr W in his car seat.

"Mom, we are at Racetrac. Can I have a slurpee?"

"No, I just have money for gas. I do not have money for a slurpee."

"But, mommy, you don't need money for a slurpee."

"Honey, you DO need money for a slurpee."

"But, mommy, there is no slot for a dollar bill on the slurpee machine so you do not need money."

"Honey, you have to pay at the counter."

"Buuuut, mommy, dad never gives the man at the counter any money."

"Yes, he does."

"No way mommy."

"Honey, we are NOT getting a slurpee, but we are going inside so I can show you that you need money."

They go inside, wait in line, then they get to the front.

"Honey, do you have something to ask the man?"

"Sir, can I borrow some money to get a slurpee? My mommy does not have any money."

rofl! THAT is a quote for the baby book!

That is funny. That reminds me so much of the way my son was at that age. He didn't throw fits or demand that we buy him things because that didn't work with us but I found it harder to resist not giving in sometimes because of his negotiating skills. He would not give up. He would come up with creative ways to convince me that I actually could and needed to do what he wanted. He is still like this. Now at age 13 he is saving for a MacBook Pro. He has a long way to go with only $500 in savings but almost every day he tells me how much easier something would be for him if he had the MacBook, how much more math he would do if he had it, etc. He looks for ways for us to save the money he needs. We are now clipping coupons, going to a grocery store that doubles coupons, and he is doing without things that he would normally get. When he puts his mind to it he usually finds a way to get it. He doesn't give up.

Very cute.

He'll keep you busy... and honest. It is probably time to move on to saying "I don't think the slurpee is a healthy choice for today and we are not going to buy it."

Agree. It's hard to fact 'sticking to the facts' with a 4 year old when other parents can get used to making stuff up until at least age 12, but there it is.

I think that most of our kids are naturally excellent negotiators and don't need additional training. Authroitarian may not be needed, but Athoritative is wonderful.

Love that!

When DS was in pre-k at 3 I ha to explain to his teacher she would never get compliance with how she spoke to him - she would always say things like DS, would you like to line up now, which of course to DS was a choice not a request. Even, it's time to line up now he treated as a statement not a request for action!!

DeHe

And some many of our little gifties can be so LITERAL. DS messed up a chance to go to a particular private school after 4th grade because they asked him, 'Would you like to do a writing sample now?'

'Oh no, I'm finding this class discussion much too interesting!, I'll stay right here.'

He returned head over heals about the school, but they weren't at all impressed with him. He did learn from the experience though. So did I. At the next school we looked at I pulled them aside and said: "If you want to see his writing ability, walk him over to a computer, sit him down, and tell him what to do."

Apparently they did as I asked, because the evaluator said it was the best writing performance by a 4th grader she had ever seen in 20+ years.

I was still partially in denial because I thought he had an 'unfair advantage' because he had been allowed to type, and, isn't everyone a better writer when allowed to type?

Smiles and Happy Friday,
Grinity

Weeelll, I left part of the conversation out for dramatic effect.

If DW had said that, then he would have cataloged what he ate that day, asked which was healthy or not, and why, then argued about each one, then still kept pushing. Then, tomorrow, he would have eaten what we considered healthy and announced that since he ate healthy we should go to racetrac and get a slurpee.

He gets his oral interrogative skills from both DW and me.

Which is why we made 'taking no for an answer' and 'noticing your audiences' mood' life skills to hothouse at our house. Of course it took me years to see the need for it.