Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Child Spacing

If only there were one "ideal" spacing for children. I think its great to ask the question and ponder the responses, but in the end we all have to choose what is "best" for ourselves and our families. I have two children thirteen years apart. My husband and I were in our twentites when we had our daughter and simply felt too overwhelmed by budding careers, grad school and limited finances to have a second child. We loved our one child family and were happy as a family of three, in spite of the MANY people (friends, family and strangers) who somehow felt the need to express concerns that we "couldn't" have just one child! Then, in our late thirties, life felt a little more settled and we (bumped our heads!) and decided to try for a second child. Of course at that point people (friends, family and strangers) felt the need to say we "couldn't" have two children thirteen years apart! Well, we did and now have a wonderful family of four...a twenty-two year old daughter who is headed for graduate studies at Oxford next month and an amazing eight year old son who entertains us with his enthusiasm and innocence every day. Life is good and for us, thirteen years spacing between children is "ideal!" All the best to you on your journey towards finding the "ideal" for you and your family!

As someone with experience with the 20-year spacing (my mother and uncle - the only children), I can say that I was not close to my cousins at all, being that they were adults when I was a child.

Other families had cousins who were close to each other. I didn't (there was significant spacing on the other side, too, only not as severe, but the same problem).

Therefore, I chose to have 3 year spacing to (potentially) solve the problem that I encountered growing up.

We were on the "every 3 years" plan for our first 3 kids but have decided to (knock on wood) wait a bit longer before ttc #4. Our youngest has a developmental delay and her functional age is quite a bit younger than her chronological age. I want her to be functioning like a 3 y.o. before a younger sibling is born, even if the calendar says that she's older. Fortunately, I'm young enough (34) that I don't have a biological clock ticking. If I were older, then I'd bite the bullet and ttc now even if it would be closer than I'd prefer.