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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,040 Likes: 1
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Joined: Dec 2010
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I would argue that most adults do choose their associations in large part based on IQ, but they don't acknowledge it or even realize it because the overlap between IQ and what people find interesting is so great. How many low-IQ physics Ph.D.s do you honestly think there are? My son found most of the kids he knows around his age who might be considered "intellectual peers" by participating in a community theater group doing Shakespeare productions. The "shared interest" was also a filter that selected in favor of higher IQ.
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,172
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Wow. That was harsh. What sort of career would one need to be in to get this intellectual stimulation you speak of? I'm a stay at home mom. I don't even have professional peers and a lot of SAHMs don't. Are we underachieving? Am I supposed to magically find another mama on the playground who wants to have deep philosophical conversations with me while we watch our kids play on the jungle gym? I was thinking about Academia/Medicine/Law. I wasn't trying to be harsh. After all, I'm an unfocused underachiever. I was envisioning a Physics Ph.D. with a "Mensa Member" sign on his door. The rest of the faculty would be laughing at him behind his back. Not the best career move. I actually work in the medical field part-time. I'm an educator at a hospital along with my side interests  . Maybe if I was a physician or hung out solely with the higher level clinicians, I'd find those intellectual peers there, but I'm not sure. I generally found that I had better luck meeting friends when I lived in the SF Bay area. Our local Mensa group that gets together periodically has, of those I've met, a lawyer, a university professor, and other professionals along with single parents who aren't working in their dream careers, and those of us who fall in between somewhere. I'll freely admit to being someone unhappy with my current professional trajectory which is why I am doing other things I enjoy more in my freetime such as writing and website stuff for gifted kids.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 487
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I'm a stay at home mom. I don't even have professional peers and a lot of SAHMs don't. Are we underachieving? Am I supposed to magically find another mama on the playground who wants to have deep philosophical conversations with me while we watch our kids play on the jungle gym? Yes! and when you find out how, can you tell me? I would argue that most adults do choose their associations in large part based on IQ, but they don't acknowledge it or even realize it because the overlap between IQ and what people find interesting is so great. How many low-IQ physics Ph.D.s do you honestly think there are? My son found most of the kids he knows around his age who might be considered "intellectual peers" by participating in a community theater group doing Shakespeare productions. The "shared interest" was also a filter that selected in favor of higher IQ. I agree with this! And in connection with the quote above, a SAH Mom with not much time for other interests can find the world a pretty lonely place. (especially if you add in playground polotics) Everyone wants people who "get them". Being gifted is about how your brain is wired and its pretty hard for people to get you if their brain isn't wired somewhat similarly.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 687
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Am I supposed to magically find another mama on the playground who wants to have deep philosophical conversations with me while we watch our kids play on the jungle gym? I wouldn't say magically, but I would say that depending on where you live you may not find it that difficult to find bright SAHMs. It is probably harder if you live in a city where a lot of people have nannies or use child care. I won't say it was magic - I worked at it hard - but I was able to find quite a few very bright SAHM to hang around with. They tend to gravitate to certain types of kids' activities. I realized I needed SAHM friends so I pushed myself to join organizations and ask people over for playdates.
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,040 Likes: 1
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I'm a stay at home mom. I don't even have professional peers and a lot of SAHMs don't. Are we underachieving? Am I supposed to magically find another mama on the playground who wants to have deep philosophical conversations with me while we watch our kids play on the jungle gym? Yes! and when you find out how, can you tell me? How I managed this was to look for activities that would tend to attract gifted kids like my son, and then take my son to them. Like magic, the parents of those kids seemed to be a lot more like intellectual peers to me, on average. Choosing to visit the playground near the local university's married student housing was a good bet, too.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 687
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How I managed this was to look for activities that would tend to attract gifted kids like my son, and then take my son to them. Like magic, the parents of those kids seemed to be a lot more like intellectual peers to me, on average. Choosing to visit the playground near the local university's married student housing was a good bet, too. Yes, all of that. I would also suggest taking the lead in starting conversations on nonparenting topics - on books or whatever - it may not be most but you will find moms who are very happy to escape conversations about sippy cups. If you hit it off be prepared to invite people to meet you at a children's museum or to come over for a play date. I would also suggest looking for friends in other places too. Taking classes in something that interests you can be helpful. As far as hobbies, I've noticed a lot of brainy women knit. It is a hobby that lends itself well to chatting. "Stitch and B*tch" groups are a great place to start. Check out the regional forums on Ravelry.com too.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 433
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I don't go around wearing Mensa logo attire. You had me there! LOL! Imagine a world where you could wear Mensa logos as easily as others wear their sports team or fancy country club or vacation logos.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 332
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How I managed this was to look for activities that would tend to attract gifted kids like my son, and then take my son to them. Like magic, the parents of those kids seemed to be a lot more like intellectual peers to me, on average. Choosing to visit the playground near the local university's married student housing was a good bet, too. Yes, all of that. I would also suggest taking the lead in starting conversations on nonparenting topics - on books or whatever - it may not be most but you will find moms who are very happy to escape conversations about sippy cups. If you hit it off be prepared to invite people to meet you at a children's museum or to come over for a play date. I would also suggest looking for friends in other places too. Taking classes in something that interests you can be helpful. As far as hobbies, I've noticed a lot of brainy women knit. It is a hobby that lends itself well to chatting. "Stitch and B*tch" groups are a great place to start. Check out the regional forums on Ravelry.com too. You know, I really want to create more things. My mil and her mother both knit and I didn't (still don't) get it because they never did anything else I considered related - like cooking, cleaning, or gardening. I have no idea how to knit. I signed up there anyway. 
Last edited by islandofapples; 09/02/11 05:50 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,694
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Islandofapples I taught myself to knit from videos online. Knitting got menthrough a very tough few years. Both through keep hands and mind busy and through creating something. I really miss it, but my hands have not recovered enough from my last pregnancy to knit again. I am trying to get organized to quilt now, but it takes a lot more space to quilt, and makes a lot more mess. Knitting is so small, portable and tidy, so easy to stop instantly and put away because parenting calls.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,694
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And knitting is not about house keeping or chore like tasks. It's creative and mathematical.
That said I would consider gardening a chore, while others find it deeply creative and fulfilling but would consider knitting something you did only to make necessary items and so a chore.
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