Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Personalities are mostly nature, right?

DD is really intense and can be moody and demanding. We called her "high needs" for awhile. Now we call her "spirited."

Aren't babies supposed to want to please their caregivers? She really doesn't care. She completely refuses to copy us or do the things we ask her to do unless she is feeling like it (she won't copy me clicking my tongue, or stick her tongue out or go get her babydoll or whatever if we ask. I really don't care if she does it, just saying we know she can because she'll do it when we ask and she is in the mood, but she doesn't care to please us.)

All these silly baby books say babies LOVE copying their parents and that things like smiles and stickers will motivate your baby to do things. They say that babies smile when they achieve new things. She never ever smiles at those times. Each time she conquers some new task, she is just all serious about it and like, "OK. NEXT!"

When she was 4 months old she was going through serious stranger anxiety and my rude mother told me my daughter was hard to like. I think other people agreed.

We went to the peds today and DD clamped her mouth shut when the doctor tried to get inside and stuck her lower lip out and slapped the doctors hand away again and again.
The doctor was like "Wow, she has a temper!"

Then she saw how aggressively DD tried to get in my shirt, and how she latches on (almost biting) and acts while breastfeeding and was apparently surprised by this, too (she is a Dr and a lactation consultant, so I guess she'd know.)

She screams in her car seat almost always and I have been afraid to go anywhere alone with her for months. I don't understand "cry it out", because my child would hyperventilate and nearly pass out from exhaustion before giving up (she did this in the car seat.)

Did I somehow do this with attachment parenting or is she picking up on how serious I am, too, or something? She laughs more than she used to, but we never got a real belly laugh until she was 6 months old and we have to work for them (though she'll laugh if I trip or something lol.)

So, did I do this? I really want to hear I DID NOT DO THIS, but several family members have given me the impression they think her personality is all my fault.




EDIT::: I do want to say that I love DD and we have an absolute blast together when she is in a good mood (which is often as long as I get her to nap and let her free to play otherwise. I love how curious, persistent, and smart she seems to be. I just don't love that other people think I've messed my baby up already and I'm wondering what I'm really in for when she is a toddler.

When I was in second grade, my teacher asked me if I wanted to help her clean off a table. I looked up from my book, said, "No." And went right back to reading. I was never big on external validation. Now, I'm more likely to say something like, "No, I don't want to vacuum the store, but I will!"

How old is she? Is she able to play by herself with toys on the floor while you watch? A typical baby or toddler will look at the toy, look at the parent, look at the toy, look at the parent...If your daughter just looks at the toy the whole time and ignores you, you might want to have her evaluated for autism--though at her age, they would be more likely to call it development delay.

She is almost 8 months.

She would focus on a toy for 20-45 minutes at 3 months (this cone sorting toy) and take it a part piece by piece while sitting propped up with the boppy pillow...she didn't care what I was doing.

Right at this very moment, I have the dog in the play room and DD is babbling happily to herself and crawling all over the place chewing on the sticks to the xylophone and drum I bought for her. She bangs her blocks together and offers her toys to the dog and climbs on the dog. The dog just got up and escaped lol. Now the baby is back next to the dog talking to her. (Yes, I use our boxer dog as a nanny sometimes.)

Every few minutes or so she'll come up to me and pull up on me and put her head on my shoulder or try to pull my hair or take my water bottle. If I leave her line of sight, she'll play for quite awhile alone, though (esp if the dog is here.) If I make eye contact, she smiles at me. Does that sound normal?

I have thought about autism before because she wouldn't interact with us. She does all these cool things, but can't / won't actually engage in a back and forth game like peek-a-boo. (Ok, except, recently...she likes to give me things when I ask, then wants me to give them back to her so I can ask for them back again ... over and over.)

One hesitates to say something is normal in this forum, but this does sound reasonable for 8 months. Of course, I'm not really an early childhood expert.

Hi, island of apples, BTDT. I sent you a private message (see flashing envelope).

Oh, big hugs to you!!! I was you 8 years ago with a DD just like yours. I'm dashing out the door to work right now, but will pm you later. You are not alone and it is NOT your fault. These kiddies are a breed onto themselves!

Another one who can relate here. One of my children is 2E, and it's always a good idea to keep paying attention for any possible issues, be they ASD, sensory issues, learning delays, whatever. But perfectly "normal" kids can be REALLY full on too... My 2nd daughter is (so far) my most "normal" and she's more highly gifted than #1. She was an easier baby than my eldest, but when I hear other people carry on about the bad day/week/month they are having with their baby I tend to laugh and think "Wow that was an EASY day with my EASY baby. Get a grip!".

My advice to you - do NOT try crying it out with a child like this. When DD#2 was around 2 I (crazily) decided she was not getting out of the cot until nap time was over that day. So I sat next to her for 2hrs and tried to get her to sleep. She stood in the cot and screamed at me for 2 hrs. And then we got on with our day. And she did not nap again for over two weeks. Remembering that this was my easy child :-).

By 8 mths, my youngest was totally picking people's hands up and emphatically throwing them off her if they tried to touch her without permission. She'd dive into the arms of someone she liked though.

I find it exhausting being out in public with #3, not so much fun places like the park, where she is an angel. But grocery shopping for example is AWFUL a lot of the time. I can't tell you how many times I have had that "thank god you've paid, please leave and don't come back with that screaming child" look from cashiers. There is something about how she screams that invites horror rather than sympathy.

Sounds like you have my babies!! Oh my goooooodness, what a handful, and really very few people will understand who have not gone through this themselves.
They do grow out of a lot of it. GROCERY shopping is still kind of awful, but at 5 sometimes I can go in and get a few things without too much fuss.

I was very very happy the other day, at the family reunion, however when I expressed to my elderly aunt that I always see these compliant kids in other families who just stay where you tell them, don't touch/destroy everything they see, and so on...and that is just not my kid!! She totally understood! (She has a son who is a dr., and one who is working on his masters in Chinese history in China, etc., so I think SHE had her hands full!!)

Totally not your fault!

I used to comfort myself by imagining some future world where folks with money got to buy designer babies to raise, and ended up with kids like your dd or my son. Hah! You get this for free!

My son used to grab my neck, just under the chin, and point my face in his direction. Lovely. I had no clue what that was about except 'well, he must want my attention.'

My favorite comment was from one of my DH's co-worker's wives, after a few hours at an event,
"All I hear is 'X this' and 'X that' - but he's a real handful!"

Since DS15 is my first and only, I just figured that all babies are like that at home where no one can see but mama.

We had to cut his hair while he slept in the carseat, but at least could do that while parked. To cut the fingernail, DH had to drive the car slowly and carefully, while I clipped in the backseat. Otherwise loud screaming.

It's great to hear that the belly laughs are coming...don't freak out that she laughs when you trip - that is normal! Try to 'trip' on purpose more often.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Oh my that made me laugh. My eldest two both did variations on that. The youngest grabs me by both lapels and jerks me around by my clothes. If I should sit down in front of the computer when she is around she will run over, say bye bye to the computer and the chair for me, grab my lapels and drag me off. She's 17 months tomorrow.