I like to reserve the most severe punishment for the important issues. For examle, crossing the road without looking, running too far away from the parent, violence against others. Also, some children do not respond to punishment if it happens too long after the undesired behavior. When I say too long, I mean even more than 3 seconds after the behavior begins may be too long.
If the child is reacting worse after a punishment, then they are likely not connecting the punishment to their own behavior. In the case of a 2 year old I was dealing with, spanking would have no effect after 5 seconds and resulted in an escalation of bad behavior. Meanwhile, just a light poke on the shoulder 2 seconds after the start of the behavior stopped it. Rather than try to fight back, the child had the what have I done look.
The staying in bed issue is a tough one. I have had a lot of struggles with this one myself. In my case, the problem went away after I moved. I think my DD was scared of something in the old place. The running off issue is not something I have had to deal with, but the not looking before crossing the road has been a continuous work in progress. Four years and counting. I won't stop working at it until my currently DD6 gets it right.
