The backtalk drives the hubby bonkers! He's sure strict discipline while they're very young is the only way because you can't control them and keep them from being hoodlums when they're teenagers, it's too late then. I'm the Mamma. I think re-direct but in big-picture daydreamer way: educate, train; let them already be busy enjoying something positive by then they won't be hoodlums. I like to think problems are phases they'll outgrow until time proves me wrong. We'll cross that bridge if we get there.
At least I hope the button-pushing gives way to more constructive hobbies with age and options.
Books:
There's a great thread by Grinnity called "the nurtured heart approach, Transforming the Difficult child". It hasn't solved all of our problems but it's novel approach to time-out has de-escalated our stand-offs and hopefully started ds on the right track to take correction and not make it worse, ie at school. It also reveals that when kids are "asking for a spanking" all day long it's because they're little energy vampires that feed on excitement and intensity. Somehow you have to match the high energy level attention they're craving, but not as a reward for getting in trouble. Somehow you're going to have to be dispassionate when you're correcting him. You really have to buy that cd. It doesn't really have a lot of useful tips on it, but it is a great Opera "aha" moment that will change your angle of perspective. I would have liked more content for my $, but I don't think I would have reached his conclusion without hearing him.
The happiest toddler on the block explores this energy hunger too, but I didn't find it as useful. It recommends responding to toddlers at the same level of energy that they're throwing a tantrum at, to validate that you understand what they are communicating. This cuts the tantrum time considerably. I feel like the window of development that was useful wasn't worth the $. I did end up using his advice that when your little kid asks for something instead of saying "no" say "I wish you could have that". Crazy, but before they're completely coherent that answer let's them know you understand, the answer's "no", but they feel connected rather than rejected. As a pre-schooler I use "no" sometimes "I wish" sometimes. As a toddler "I wish" worked better.
More later, Peace.
That's the big part at this age. I think the nurtured heart was more comprehensive because while the energy exchange was key in both programs the nurtured heart approach suggested how to set them up for success when it comes to listening to you.
