Take a look through
http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Workbook-Interactive/dp/0967050758Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook, because I believe that as bright as our kids are, we still have a role to play in helping them focus on reality, and not get overwhelmed by the hard times.
I wonder if your DS7 is 'rather literal' and doesn't want to say he's been a good boy if he can think of even one counter-example.
This is were having a good memory is a handicap.
As far him hitting himself and saying he is horrible, I would actually punish that behavior, as he is hitting (not allowed) and saying mean things to someone I love (also not allowed.)It's also lying (not allowed.) Of course that sounds mean, but I would hope you've worked out some way of punishment that doesn't make you feel like a meanie by this point. (Not that I had, which is why 'Transforming' was so helpful at my house.)
I was under the impression that if I 'punished' a behavior like that, it would just drive it underground and make my son feel like he wasn't safe with me. Now I think that's sort of projecting an adult view of the mind on to a child. Most children, even gifted ones, will actually stop thinking it if they stop saying it. Weird, but often true. I guess if I thought that my kids would just 'drive it underground' then I'd come up with a safe list of alternative behaviors.
I also think it's ok to talk with kids about being 'better able to remember all our mistakes, and all of other people's mistakes' than other kids, and that the tendency towards perfectionism is part of the gift/challenge of being gifted. We also suffer from not having a handy reference group to compare ourselves to. I sort of realized that 'doing well' in comparsion to my agemates was not really anything to be pleased about, and I couldn't often 'do well' in relation to my parents or the characters in books, so it sort of left me floundering in that department. If you have any examples from your own life, I think that can be important to share, and if he sees you fighting for a balanced view of the world and yourself, I think that is so powerful.
I think it's also important to journal/vent/post about how heartbreaking it is to watch your son do these behaviors, and what or who they remind you of. If you have fears about what causes these behaviors or where they will lead, that would be a great thing to process yourself before you try anything heavyhanded with you DS.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
