I agree with Austin - this woman is suspect. I also agree with Kvmum that this is tricky territory and could compromise your relationship with your son. That's unfortunate and should be considered, but I think it's secondary to protecting your son from this woman.
Your son is at an Ivy League school, I suspect this indicates emotional maturity as well as academic excellence - the Ivy didn't have to take him, whereas a state school might if he met minimum requirements. Everything you say about your son supports this.
For your son, it is "normal" to socialize with older people (and I think it's a testament to your son's emotional health and maturity that he has been successful at this). Because that has been his perspective for several years, it's natural that a different type of relationship with an older individual wouldn't seem so strange to him. And maybe under certain circumstances it wouldn't be. However, this young woman has NOT been in a situation where it is "normal" for her to socialize with people 7 years her junior.
We all want to support our children's advanced intellectual (and in your son's case, emotional) ages. But this is possibly something different. I don't want to Google "pedophile" at work, but I suggest you do so. Look at the cases of young attractive teachers who have sexual relations with male students. They are attractive, normal-seeming woman.
If I were in your shoes I'd start by looking very, very carefully at this woman's background. What is her current job? What have her prior jobs been (sleep-away camp counselor would be a red flag for me)? Does she have a typical number of female friend on Facebook (Austin makes an excellent point about this). Where are her parents and siblings? Are any or all of the siblings estranged from the parents? It's is not unsavory to snoop in this case. This is a special circumstance.
If you said that your son had girlfriends before I would be marginally less concerned. But he might be feeling self conscious about his lack of experience and that may make him more vulnerable. The fact that he told you that she "tried" to kiss him seems like a red flag. If that happened to me when I was 16 I would have with kissed back or extricated myslef from the relationship. I wouldn't have told my mom. Maybe he's needing you to be the bad guy.
P.S. If you feel bad about snooping think about that teacher who had sex with a 12 y.o., then had his baby, and then married him after she got out of jail. Or the teacher who manipulated several of her male students to kill her husband. Sure, your son might be smarter and more mature than those kids, but I wouldn't count on that making him safe. He's still 16. He probaby doesn't even have a driver's license yet and she's a college grad.
ETA - Maybe this is the wrong forum to suggest having/not having a driver's license as evidence of readiness for something!
Last edited by JaneSmith; 09/22/10 05:10 AM.
