The psychologist strongly suggested that we focus on first providing a supportive environment and strategies that she can employ to overcome her fear of making mistakes. She thought that any form of enrichment would be for naught until we can get her to the point that she feels comfortable attempting the easy work.
Ok, I'm doing my Heart Rhythm Meditation practice of the above statement, because my anxiety level just went through the roof reading about it. Good for you for surviving a sneak attack and still being able to post. These sort of school meeting used to 'take me out' for a whole month. Can you imagine me, going a month without posting?
Actually this isn't really a bad sign. It's more of an invitation to contact the major player - thank them for their clear compassion and RESTATE what you believe and what you want.
Then meet with the Psychologist and explain that AS HER MOTHER, you have observed that the anxiety is worse when the job is below the readiness level and better overall when most of the tasks are inside the readiness level. Don't expect the Psychologist to know what a 'readiness level' is since I think I made it up. But it's nice because you can draw a little picture with anxiety on the Y axis, and difficulty level on the X axis and show how the middle chunk is the readiness level. It's helpful if you have a few quick stories from home to illustrate from home.
Anxiety is high in the 'way too easy' and 'way too hard' areas, but sort of low with a few spikes in that readiness zone. Explain that when the work is chronically below the readiness zone that the readiness zone shrinks and then everything looks too hard or too easy and we see almost total anxiety. That's what DH and I saw with DS around age 8, anyway.
Ask the psychologist to set up a few experimental learning situations to see if this model - OK, lets call it the 'Anxiety from Reversing Underachievement Model' explains your DD's behavior. Keep reminding the Psyc that you have know your DD her whole life, and that even if every other kid on the planet works under the 'make it easier to increase confidence' model, that your child works on the ARU Model. Try to get the Psychologist to think of a few situations where this can be tested, such as allowing your child to visit a subject that you think she would like subject acceleration for one day, or being part of a pull out that the gifted teacher leads for one day with some bright older kids.
Then go back to writing emails to all concerned telling them that you only partially in agreement. You are interested doing some of what they suggest, (state X,Y,Z) but not all. You are her Mother and know her best and you firmly believe that subject acceleration needs to start, if only on a trial basis, now, and that if the anxiety seems to get worse then you consider that the trial was premature and reverse it.
I think 8 is old enough to ask DD what she wants. If she clearly wants to do some of her school day with older kids then this will be easier. It's ok - maybe - to tell her that these are the behaviors that the school is seeing that makes them want to protect her from harder work - maybe list 4 of them. Tell her that she can get as angry as she wants about the handwriting at home, but if she does it at school then the teachers will get confused. Depends on the kid. You DO know as much as anyone can know about the insides of another person - your DD.
Aimee, if you are out there today, I'd love to hear what you think about this....
Love and More Love,
Grinity
