It's all trial and error. No parent can make the best choices and often times there isn't a right choice. You have to find what works for you and what helps the behaviors improve. Sounds like you are doing a great job at this and working together with him and DH! Great job!
We have tried all sorts of stuff with DS5 who is in 1st this year too. Overall his behavior has improved significantly, but he still has some rough days. His school has a 6 color behavior system (green, yellow, orange, blue, pink, white). It's serious business in elementary school, LOL. We don't give any consequences on green, yellow or orange days. On the other 3 colors he will lose computer and TV. He has only had a couple white days but those have included loss of other privileges for the day as well as a little time in his room (reading, playing piano, or whatever). We did leave it all at school for a while and let them handle it...but it just wasn't as successful. Really he does pretty well at home, but at school he just likes to clown around and get attention at times...especially when he gets reactions from others or gets bored. Honestly I don't think it is the worst thing ever to lose computer or tv since he has so many other things to do anyhow. Plus he rarely watches tv during the school week anyhow with school and sports, etc. But he does love his computer time, so it does impact him and it helps him to know that we don't support those behaviors at school. We don't harp on him about everything, but do discuss his behavior when it is on the last 3 colors. Honestly we just leave it alone if he only moved one or 2 colors since the first color is considered a warning in their class anyhow. So that somewhat works for us....we may try something else from time to time. We have tried behavior charts, etc. but this is the best thing so far. And of course we talk about his behavior together and how things are going at school and how he feels about school. DS actually likes school a lot, but I am sure it gets tiring at times. Good luck to you! Keep us updated on how things are going. My DS has been counting down the days and it will all be over soon ; )
Another cool parenting trick is to ask the child what he thinks is a reasonable consequence for going to yellow or red in school. Maybe he prefers to do something positive to contribute to his world in some way? It makes for some interesting discussion.
Grinity
LOL, whenever we do this with DS he will give the worst possible consequence ever, that would not at all fit the crime. Like for example after saying something direspectful and being oppositional towards us or something we would tell him that we were really disappointed and ask him what we think his punishment should be for something like that. His answer would be "I think that you should take away my computer and TV for 2 weeks" We are always so shocked and then have to say "well I think that is a little much, how about _____________" It's funny because sometimes I think he plans it like that. He never gives an easy consequence.
