NTmom, I have a few suggestions based on my experiences with a kid who is done with school well before school is done.
One suggestion I would have about the reward using the Wii, is to allow for some backsliding. If the last few weeks have been downright miserable, then 2 days out of 3 on green is a pretty good accomplishment. Maybe you could use 4 days out of 5 on green and no reds or notes home from the teacher to use the Wii on the weekend. Sometimes it helps me to work in smaller chunks and allow that some days just aren't going to go as well as others.
Another thing that has worked for me is to involve my DC in the discussion of consequences, positive and negative. Ask what they think is reasonable - you may disgree, but at least you can discuss it. Maybe you reach a compromise, maybe you stick to your perspective, but he becomes engaged.
Also the more immediate the consequence the better. Now that you have the Wii, maybe consider a limited amount of time each day that he stays on green along with the longer chunks on the weekend if he makes the 4 out of 5 days on green for the week.
I believe that it's important to show my DC that I expect certain behavior. My expectations may not be the same as the teacher's or the school's but some level of respect for other people is a pretty basic requirement for my family. Some things school handles the consequences and I leave it at that, but for behaviors that break standard house rules there will be consequences at home as well. My DC is not particularly impressed with trips to the principal's office and schools have limited options for consequences. On the other hand, there are also things that school considers behavior infractions, that I am not remotely concerned about and wouldn't count against a 4 out of 5 day green requirement for some reward.
My DD8 has been struggling with the end of school blues and lack of challenge (I won't even get into the fact that we have 3 weeks of school left and are well into the field trip/water day/ice cream social phase) and has had a couple of blow-ups about a month ago. We sat down together and she worked out some solutions for 'time-outs' that she could use in similar situations. She could move to another seat in the classroom, she could remove herself from the line and go to the end, and if all else, failed, she could leave the classroom to go take a break in the front office to calm down (after letting the teacher know she was leaving). She wrote these all down herself and presented it to the teacher for her opinion. Our teacher agreed with everything and there hasn't been a single problem in 3 weeks. It seems like letting her take some ownership of the solution has made a big difference. Maybe he could do something similar.
I know none of this helps with the decision about pulling him out. I don't have that option, so have to continue to find a way to work within the system as much as possible. If you decide to stay, maybe these ideas will help.
