Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional what do you make of this?

Hi,

My DD who just turned four is exhausting me. She isn't diagnosed as 2E in any way, but at times I wonder...I'm home with her full time with her very active two year old sister. Yes she is smart, creative, and funny, but her constant attempts to get everyone's attention, her loud voice, her inability to play in a quiet, controlled way, her volatility, etc. is wearing me down today. I am very sensitive to noise and commotion and she is constant noise and commotion by nature. When she is happy, which is most of the time, the knob is turned to HIGH and she laughs more and louder and is sillier and more theatrical than most kids we meet. That isn't bad, but can be tiring for parents teachers and even other kids!

We went to a birthday party yesterday and she screamed and carried on when the first present the girl got was a present she had wanted but didn't get at her birthday. Her reaction was way out of proportion and all the other kids were just sitting there quietly. When she cries or has a tantrum it is so much louder, longer, and more melodramatic than what I see in other kids. Then she got all worked up because they had cupcakes, not cake. She even marched over to the hostess and other moms and kept insisting they needed to serve cake.

These sound so silly and small, esp if you have older kids and their problems are so much bigger but I want to nip this in the bud now while she is small. She also kept invading other people's personal space by having a stuff dog lick them in the face--cute at first but she wouldn't leave the other parents alone and did it to little kids and they didn't want to play with her because she didn't seem to get it that she was annoying people, or actually likes annoying people. Sometimes it seems she wants to annoy people.

I felt worried for her social life, and frankly mine, since I imagined many of those moms wouldn't be eager to have her over for a playdate and she really has no little friends to play with as it is. She goes to preschool twice a week for a few hours and although her teacher said she is "contrary' she also says she is sweet and that other children like her.

I have tried so hard to help her be a good child. I have not indulged her when she has tantrums, yet she does the same things again and again and again. If she acts out, I will remove her from a place like a party etc. If she asks for something in a rude way, she will not get it. I say please and thank you and expect the same of her . My husband doesn't even want to be around her so he isn't of much help. I try to give her personal loving attention as much as I can but I am also teaching her to be a bit more independent. She can be hard to play with because she wants to control everything.

Why why why why why is she so hyper, emotionally immature, desperate to provoke people, etc.? I know it sounds as though she doesn't get my attention but I see other parents giving their child much less and the kid doesn't act out. She just demands so much from everyone around her and I give all I can give and I can't find suitable outlets and playmates for her.

Yes, she can be good and when she is I am so proud. Maybe today was just a bad day. I just wanted to bury my head and felt like such a bad parent because she seemed so rude and emotionally out of control.

She has always been ahead in cognitive things--knew letter sounds at 1.5, read words and short books at 2.5 adding and subtracting at three frightening memory etc. and is highly artistic, massive vocabulary, and has a vivid imagination. I am never sure how much those aspects of her play into the challenges of parenting her or if something more is going on with her. She did see an OT who said she had problems with her vestibular and proprioreceptive senses (balance and body awareness) but nothing severe and she had a couple months of sessions and she says she is where she should be in terms of balance and climbing etc. Her issue was never that bad she just presented as a child who wasn't as active on a playground. The sessions made her more coordinated but didn't help with emotional regulation. Her fine motor has always been great in terms of drawing and writing. One psychologist mentioned "on the spectrum" but every other professional I spoke to said absolutely not. I don't know how to help her.

Help,


Tired Mama