What a nasty business. I'm so sorry.
Thoughts as you move ahead:
--That gifted teacher who was on your side: can you get her on the phone and debrief? Find out what's the stumbling block, and what he'd have to do to "qualify" by their standards, and what she can do to help you.
--You can file a complaint with your state's board of education. If they are discriminating against him because he has a disability covered under an IEP, that is a huge no-no and the state should come down on the school like a ton of bricks for it. Document everything that's happened so far in your complaint, with dates to the extent that you have them.
--Yes, it helps to have DH at meetings. They often do not take mothers seriously, but dads are another story.
--It also dramatically improves the behavior of school and district personnel if you buy a small digital voice recorder and say sweetly at the start of the meeting, "Is it OK if I record this? It's so hard to take notes and participate at the same time." You cannot legally record without their permission, but you can with; and on tape they will at least be more polite to you because you will have the evidence.
--We ended up hiring a professional educational consultant. She comes to meetings with us and also meets with school and district people behind the scenes, so they know what we want and what justification we have before meetings even start. This has been effective for us; she gets things done we cannot do on our own.
I hope you find a way forward.
DeeDee
