Dear Ones,
I'm at an interesting crossroad with my son's eduation, and I'm not sure which way to turn, so I'm asking for your advice.
The set up:
DH and I have agreed that academics and social have equal weight. We want a happy kid who is used to the idea that learning takes a bit of struggle. Learning, and not just teacher pleasing, although we want him to learn that also!
DS11 was in public school until the end of 4th grade, age 9, with a summer birthday, already making him one of the youngest boys in his grade. I'm not sure what his Ruf Level estimated level is because I can't remember! He had an amazing vocabulary and was a conceptual thinker right from the begining, but although he had his letter and their sounds from age 2, he wasn't reading until first grade, although from then on he's been in the top reading groups and in fact spent 4th grade with a book open in his desk reading it while he kept his hand raised waiting impatiently to be called on at all times. He has scores that put him in the YSP, and from reading the posts, I would put him with the big clump near the cutoff, rather than on the tail end, so I call him a Level III.
I could still have gifted denial, but he did get a chance to skip enter a pre-algebra class totally unprepared from 4th grade without any help, and tanked - 40s on his quizes, although he was entranced with the experience of trying to work really hard, so all in all, I think it was worth taking the chance. I just wished I had hothoused him a little rather than relying totally on the goodness of gaps!
When he bottomed out back in 2nd grade, we had him tested, and the tester (local, well meaning but....) said that he might have a "relative case" of NVLD. Over the years we've been told he has "50% ADHD." He certainly has an 'in your face' personality, and lots of OverExcitablities, which have sort of faded into the backround. It's always been hard to tell if he has 'other issues' or his 'more than usual giftedness' are the cause of the various complaints that continue to surround him as he goes through life at school like an elephant swallowed by a snake.
Anyway. Socially he's had his ups and downs over the years. 2nd grade was the absolute worst, where the teacher and all the children treated him with disgust. 3rd was wonderful, 4th was good, but his distrust of adults was growing and I could feel him moving into a "total friend-identification" phase that I felt was a premature reaction to total boredom at school, and his disgust that he has to sit there all day with 'good behavior' as his only challenge.
So that summer we looked into private school, and worn out from unsuccesful advocacy attempts, I was willing to believe that maybe the local prep school would be more academically challenging without any gradeskip. He started 5th grade at the new school, and after a few weeks we recognised that the only way to make this work was a gradeskip. Interestingly the school recognised this also, and within 10 days of our request, he was a 6th grader.
He worked very hard to do the work, and fit in, and try to make friends. He had his heart set on a group that never really accepted him. But overall I had the feeling that he just didn't have much left over energy for making new friends. He stayed in touch with the closest of his old friends, but, as DH had predicted, it just wasn't the same without seeing them daily.
This year, 7th has been much better organizationally, and somewhat better socially, (he got elected to be a student representative) and his perfectionism is much improved. Used to be that if he didn't know what to do, he would just "take the zero." Cool as a cumber, at least on the outside. The middle school goes to 8th grade, and we have always thougth that at the end of 8th, he would go back to the public school. Level III kids tend to do well at the high school level, right?
Well, we got the "Please sign next year's contract" and DS said, "Well, I'd like to go the public school next year." We dropped the subject for a few weeks, but I can tell that DS's mind is made up. I think that the only thing that would change it is if some of the boys started really wanting to be best friends with him. And there are only 45 kids/grade at the private school, v. 200/grade in the public. None of his classmates play Magic Cards, or even Yu-gi-oh!
Some PG kids seem fairly oblivious to social situations, and as long as they are academically challenged, they are happy. Some PG kids are acutly aware of social interactions and have amazing powers to blend it. My son seems to be right in the middle of these two poles - wanting to be popular, but having no interest, and little ability, to blend in. Can you picture my 'voice' on an arrogant-sounding 11 year old boy? ((I'm shaking my head, 'cause I know that some of you can!))
Reasons?
His sound like this at various times -
-The private school is excellent at teaching study habits, and has served it's purpose well, so now I don't think it's a wise investment.
-I've got the grade skip, so why not?
-The dress code cloths aren't comfortable enough.
-I miss my friends, and want to go to the same school as them.
Mostly I trust his instincts. But in this situation, I think that the paradise lost thing is active in his mind. I would like to let him choose, as he's the one who has to get up and go there every day, but I want to be sure that he hasn't built up an unrealistic picture in his mind of how great the public school would be. I worry that his current school is more 'accepting' of offbeatness, although for all I know, they could be worse than the public school. I know that this year the begining of school was stressful, and that the teachers who were new to him didn't 'get him' and he didn't 'get them' but then after about 6 weeks something clicked and he's been about to be responsible for his homework and classwork, even with the new teachers.
So, is returning to the public school, one year advanced, 'social suicide' as my son would put it? Is there anything I haven't considered? Does anyone have a crystal ball?
Love and More Love,
Grinity
