Grinity, I think your insight about the "bottleneck" is useful, and I am not sure I can say for certain what her perfectionism stems from. I tend to think it is innate; she is an extremely hard worker (not just in school but in life; she likes to be busy and purposeful). She is able to distinguish between effort and achievement and prizes effort more highly (her teacher gives grades on both and DD doesn't ever lament the achievement grade but gets upset if she doesn't receive the highest possible effort grade, since in her mind she has put 100% into it). No doubt we as parents have shaped and reinforced these values, but I have actively tried to discourage the perfectionism for years to no avail, so I do think it is inborn. She has never liked to make mistakes of any kind, no matter how much we frame them as "learning opportunities". She tends to be quite confident overall, so I don't think any of her work is frightening to her. She seems to always expect the best in terms of how she performs on her work (and her grades usually support it).
Ah June,
I think I didn't express myself very clearly here.
Imagine that you were a 9th grader. On morning you go to school and instead of your usual classes, and usual friends, there are kids that look just like you, but act and talk like 4th graders. You teacher talks extra slow, and extra simply, and uses books that would be quite appropriate for 4th graders. Then the teacher announces that the class has won an award for being the most academically advanced in the district.
I'd be frightened!
Even if it had always been like this at school, I believe that some very young children (including my son) would be bright enough to be frightened by this sort of scenario.
I sounds like your daughter has internalized the idea that 'hard work' is more important than a grade - which I think it great, but there is a big difference between intellectually valuing 'working hard' and actually getting a chance to work hard on a daily basis. I would be upset if I was in a classroom where everything was 'too easy' and I did my best to do everything right, and I got marked 'off' on effort - here I am doing this work that isn't remotely interesting or challenging, what more could the teacher possibly want?
Some kids are great at 'self-enriching' and adding challenge to the most boring assignment. Some teachers are great about seeing what a child is capable of doing, and gently pushing them to do their best. But expecting that on a regular basis is unrealistic.
Just some thoughts,
Grinity
