Many thanks for your replies.

The "roar" is my source of distraction. I analyze everything, all day, nonstop. I'm extremely curious, always looking for the next challenge, something to learn, start, or improve. When I was diagnosed with ADD, several doctors tried to attribute my constant thinking to GAD, OCPD, and/or depression. I kept an open mind but the medications made matters worse, giving me the wake-up call I needed to regain control and head my treatment in the right direction.

Kcab, your comment made me laugh�many times I've complained of my tough day at work with my three bosses! Regarding the meditation, as it turns out, my clever psychologist has been slipping breathing exercises into the mix with the hope of teaching me coping techniques.


Grinity�Thank you so much for giving your thoughts on my problems. I'm learning to accept the many things I can't complete in a day's time and rely on others for help, and no, I never had problems of this nature before having kids. My husband and family have been against the diagnosis of ADD from the beginning. They've only come to accept it since the Adderall showed signs of working.

My first two weeks on Adderall last August were wonderful. I was able to clean my house, keep appointments, schedule fun trips, plan meals, but then things fell apart. I was an emotional wreck when my focus and concentration began slipping away. I gave Vyvance a try for three months but there was something missing. For me, Adderall provides that amazing difference that's visible to others.

Months later, back on Adderall, extended release rather than instant, and things were looking better for a while, but it seems my priorities have shifted. Maybe because the challenge is gone. I don't care to do the dishes, laundry, bills, or food shopping. Now I'm fighting myself to stay on track, all the while inside I just want to do my own thing. So, yes, things appear better, not great, but inside I'm miserable. Which leads me to your question about being a SAHM.

I became a SAHM to spare my children my childhood experiences, and at this point my husband and I agree it would be better for me to work, but it wouldn't make sense financially. I love my kids to pieces, but I know I need different challenges and it's getting harder to hide my frustration.

Regarding depression, I consider myself a perpetual optimist, despite the daily struggles that come from being a complete scatterbrain. Losing things, finding things, remembering things. I shrug it all off, laugh at myself, and carry on. Nothing gets me down for long. I'm a master in finding the good side of things, though I'd love to get it right the first time! On the surface I seem to have symptoms of depression, GAD, OCPD, and/or ADD, but I've ruled out my doctors' ten-minute assessments through months of self-analysis, down to ADD that is.

Grinity, your comment about dulling the roar made me cry. No one seems to understand the shame in silencing the mind for the sake of chores. I plan to continue the medication just long enough to learn to focus and concentrate without it through diet, exercise, meditation, behavior modification�whatever it takes. I appreciate the links and I will check them out.

And yes, you are right. I can see I've landed where I belong. One post and I feel more understood than I've felt in a long time. I'm thankful I've journaled my way through this most awesome time of my life and I plan to share the experience, especially with my little ones.

Thanks for the love,
oopsydaisy