Hello!
I am sorry to bother you, but I have no where else to go, to relieve my mind of endless subjects.
I am a sixteen year old boy, and feel different from other people my age.
Even though I share many of the traits of gifted people, I'm unsure if I really am one when I read about the amazing feats these children have managed to do.
What I am, is nothing extraordinary to the naked eye, and so I fear for rejection in this audience. I'm going to try explain it anyways.
I'll start with an example. One day, I thought about punishment for criminals. My mind shifted through different opinions. I had the opinion of a good person, and an evil person. I meant that the criminal was a scum, and should be disposed, and at the same time, I meant that every person deserves a second chance, or unlimited chances.
This is just an example, that my alignment is splitted. My thoughts agree with both.
Another thing is that my conscious is wierd. I observe how I feel from a third view. It's like I got two layers of conscious. I know that a good comedy will make me happy, and I've observed how quick that can change when my parents nag me. I feel my mother has the same problem, she easily bursts into being really mad and complaining at everything, and the next day she loves me like nothing ever happened.
I have never but once succumbed into rage, but that was a long time ago when I still was a child. I can see myself getting really angry, and the other day I felt like throwing my cell out of the car because of frustration(I had forgotten my bag on a bus, managed to retrieve it later though.), but on the other had, I know that anger leads to nothing, so I stay calm.
I like being alone, because I've learned that the people in my surrounding always want me to be something I'm not, they always want me to do chores and they are just breaking the balance. I feel balance when I'm alone in my room, listening to calming music and far away in my thoughts. Which is what I call tranquility, it's like a perfect harmony in me.
I'm observing everything that happens inside of me, but it has its flaws. Like I can make wrong assumptions and I start thinking wierd and overcomplicating things.
More about what I like. I am an academically failure, or at least I will be soon. I feel like I am drawn towards things of learning. Why am I reading all these articles on gifted people, and using all my time on it? Why did I in my younger ages let myself be drained in the Wikipedia pages about WW2? History teaches our faults. And Giftedness is what advances our civilization, and it also teaches us about uniqueness and genetic varation. Everyone is different.
I am fascinated by the bigger picture, and I'm desperate with getting remembered in the history books, though as I mature I see no way of it happening. I want to contribute.
I read the educational quotes on Hoagiesgifted. And all the quotes there is preaching the exact different message than what modern education is. How come are we so primitive? How come we know all this and practice the exact opposite?
I'm from Norway and I've concluded that the school system is flawed to the maximum. The grades are all about attaining high amounts of spesific knowledge. Our education plan says that we need to understand these specific topics after x'th grade.
I thrived in the first ten grades in norwegian school, but now in the 'high-school' equivilent, I am faltering and failing. I don't remember details and how I write is obviously not synced with my teachers. I thought I was smart, but I'm starting to accept that I'm not. I'm accepting that I'm not as good, because I just aren't made that way. I'm actually attaining reasonable calm with it, as I have lost sight of the meaning of the curriculum I'm presented with.
Another observation, I change as I write down my thoughts, I think it through, so If what I wrote at first don't match with the last I'm writing, that's the reason.
Lastly, I just want to say that I idolize all the parents here, your kindness and love for your children is extraordinary. I am glad you respect your children's uniqueness and I hope you become good example for other current and future parents. I believe that all children have a genious in them, it's just a matter of giving them the will, the support and the inspiration to pursue it.
Thank you for reading. Any thoughts, any advice, just an assessment and viewpoint is appreciated. I just don't want to be alone.
