I always suggest that you test when you have a reason to, when you have questions to answer or a program to try to get into. Do you doubt that your DD is GT? No, I don't think so. In fact, I'd bet you're pretty sure that she's HG+. Does it matter right now whether she's HG, EG or PG? I'm betting no. So unless there's some program you're trying to get her into that requires an IQ score, why test right now? Save the money for later testing, when she's older.
If it helps, you're way ahead of the curve.
I was in GT denial for years, thinking that DS7 was "just" MG and therefore would have no trouble with fitting in at school...right up until he stopped fitting in at school in 1st grade.
Only then did I realize that my whole frame of reference was off by 1-2 standard deviations, and that he's HG+. Oops!
As for friendships that just don't work easily anymore:
You really have four choices: talk about your DD and ignore your friend's reaction (not real friendship), stop talking about kids with her (not a complete friendship), stop being friends (not friendship at all), or talk to her honestly about the issue and try to work out a space for both of your feelings.
You have to decide if this is a relationship that can weather the storm of an HG+ child or not. The fact is, in the not-too-distant future, you will probably have more in common with the parents of autistic kids than you will with parents of ND kids. Both of your kids are going to need an education that looks somewhat different than the norm. Both of you are going to have to spend more time and energy on educating your children than the average parent does.
If you can each put yourselves in the shoes of the other and listen with kindness and sympathy, you can make it work. But the fact is, not many people can do this with the parents of HG+ kids. It's hard for them to understand. It's hard for them to feel like they're not competing, that you're not competing! Talking about it matter-of-factly helps. Remember, your child is GT like she has brown eyes or blonde hair: it's part of the factory-installed package. And, if I'm being honest, not talking about it very much helps. Most of us talk to the parents of other GT kids. And sadly, there are sometimes even problems with parents of GT kids at different levels. Competitiveness runs deep in human beings...
Do check yourself to be sure that you don't sound like you're bragging. Even if you don't mean to brag, it can sound like you are.
Know what's normal for a child your DD's age and avoid talking about things she does that are way outside the norm. I ran into that problem a time or two when DS7 was young. For example, he read the letter B on a wood block in a Kindermusik class at 12 mos. I just quietly acknowledged that it was indeed a B to my son. I didn't brag, I wasn't talking to anyone but my son, and I even lowered my voice so others wouldn't hear. But someone did hear, and the whole class--including the teacher!--started announcing that he had NOT just said B at age 1! The looks on their faces were downright angry with me! Well, DS was obsessed with letter and he did read B every day for hours a day, so I knew very well that he had read it. I felt like I had to defend myself, but I really didn't want to! It was awkward position to be in, to say the least! But ultimately, you know the truth, whether others do or not. Just get out of it as gracefully as you can and move on.
It ain't easy! Look for kindred spirits. The fact is that some friendships will work and some won't. Even some longtime friendships wither in the face of GT kids. It's just the way it goes, I'm afraid. Do what you can, what you're willing to do, to preserve them if they are important to you. But realize that it's pretty normal to have to find some new friends.
