thank you all for your insightful replies.

We had a horrible pre-school experience where he hated going to school, asked to stay home and his behavour was bad...but he was perfectly fine at the place. We took him out when the school basically said 'its not our problem' and a lot of suggestions that there was something wrong with him. He spent the next month led on the sofa watching TV all day with no interest in anything (i now think he was depressed). 6 months later my Dp and I started saying 'oh i remember he was like this before... It basically took 6 months for him to be truely happy again.
This is why i'm so frightened..it was such a gradual decline that it wasn't till it was bad that we noticed, then when we acted we were dismissed.

So he is now in a different school with a good reputation, and a good GT policy. They have said he is on the GT list. But we are in the UK and the list/policy is not law so it can just be lipservice. I tried to get the school to test him but as he doesn't disrupt the class they see no need - which is also why testing would be useless for advocating - 'gifted is gifted' it won't matter to them what degree.

When he started in April, everything was good. He was happy, enjoyed it. He got to go the the next year's class for maths, he got reading books. This term they wouldn't let him go up to the next year for maths they said they would differentiate. DS says that he only does 'easy maths', so i conclude either they are and its not the right level or they aren't. His teacher is very dismissive; 'you must spend ALOT of time with him', 'his social and motor skills are average' 'he doesn't read with expression'.

doodlebug - our sons sound very similar!

i'm not sure if he's in a bad situation. On day 2 of the school term he came home skip counting, but other than that i have not seen anything obvious. I think he is an adapter as you put it Kriston, when he walks in the class he loses all the expression on his face. If i ask about school he says that play time is fun he likes playing with his friends. If i ask about lessons he says not to ask him questions. So i have no real idea how he feels. In the morning he asks if he can 'just play cars today'. When i think of everything that he has learn in the past 2 months...they are things i've shown/taught him. At home he is extremely emotional and asks to do maths nearly every afternoon (for 1hr+). I usually find he has read his new school reading books before he left school.

They do not share what they are doing with him...i feel excluded so to speak. They've never asked what he has shown he can do. Hopefully parents evening will tell us what they are doing with him. If it's not at his readiness level, then we will be trying to initiate some way of them finding out what he is capable of. But i have found that the teachers/school are just not willing to accept 'suggestions' from parents.

Anyway, i've written way too much. thankyou for your help. I think i'm going to have to wait til Tuesday to make a plan. Hopefully i've been worrying for nothing.