So DS is mostly, but not completely happy. The melt downs and acting out are almost exclusively at home which may be partially due to being 5.5. We have also seen some other negative behaviors develop that we want to nip in the bud. Like not wanting to try something hard because he can't do it perfectly the first time. We used to have a little of that. Lately we've had a LOT. JB
We had this problem with our DS6 for a while. We approached it by persuading him to confront his fears when he was displaying perfectionist behaviors.
I recall that writing the letter K started a huge tantrum one evening. I wouldn't give in. He had to write a K, and that was all there was to it. He sobbed and sobbed and eventually wrote the letter. I said "Hurray! You tried hard and you succeeded!" and told him he was free to go watch TV or whatever. Instead, he wrote some more Ks, still crying. I kept telling him how proud I was of him.
Next day, he came home from kindergarten beaming and all proud of what he had done during free time: he had filled an entire piece of paper with the letter K.
It's been a while since I've seen him display that type of perfectionist behavior. Things may change when work gets more challenging, but for now, he simply attempts something without complaining.
Also, it took him a while to get used to the long school day (he went to an all-day kindergarten in a 2nd language immersion school).
He's at a new ability-based school this year and I'm seeing all kinds of improvements in reading and writing. He isn't mathy like his brother yet is getting very high scores on all of his math work.
<Segue to soapbox>
Your post has reminded me yet again of the huge deficiencies in our K-12 education system. We have a near-obsessive focus on slow learners in the lower grades and a ridiculous number of students finishing high school with a 4.0 or higher average, including high marks in a fistful of so-called AP "college level" classes. I wonder how many of these straight-A students could really and truly solve a complex word problem in calculus or write a decent essay on propaganda and the fifth amendment. This mess is destroying our national brain pool, which I figure is up to 20% of our students.
I had a bit of an online debate at the NY Times education blog site last week. This summary is simplified somewhat, but:
A teacher of an AP class had written a piece that defended grading tests on a curve (if 59% was the highest score, then 59% was an A). Some college-level faculty who wrote comments were very critical of this practice. Most complained that leading B/C/D students to believe that they were A students was unfair to the students, their future employers, and their future professors. The other side of the debate argued about the importance of building self-esteem and not wanting to crush spirits in students who were accustomed to getting As. <sigh> I figure they're just building these kids up for an excruciatingly painful experience later, when they go to college or to work.
And meanwhile, the gifted students still aren't getting much out of the experience, and are, in particular, not learning what it really takes to turn in superior work in the real world.
Okay, I'll climb off the soapbox now!
Val
