One strategy is to have a proactive discussion regarding expected behaviors in certain routine settings, and interactively develop operational definitions of a short list of key behavioral expectations ("rules", or whatever your family calls them). For example, what are reasonable expectations for behavior at the dinner table? I would have her generate a list of all the reasonable concrete, specific expectations that anyone dining together should be meeting, which will likely involve a discussion about the purposes of eating together (nutrition, communication, social engagement, pleasure, etc.), and the obstacles that may arise (unsafe behavior, wasting food, interfering with other people's communications, social conflict, etc.). As much as possible should, and most likely will, be generated by her. My experience with classrooms of even very young children is that they generally come up with all and more of the expectations that an adult would. And they tend to be more restrictive in their expectations, as long as we are discussing behavior in the generic (other people), and not in the specific (them).
Once you have a massive list of specific behaviors, you can start working together to group them into categories (e.g., safety, nutrition, relationship-building), which you can develop short-hand common vocabulary for, and overt connections. So when you reference any behavior in the group, the previously-agreed on meaning is that all of the behaviors in the group should be self-monitored. Different families will have different comfort levels with the next part of this, but in my FOO and in my current nuclear family, adults are subject to the same behavioral expectations as children in nearly all situations. So my children have permission to call me out when I violate an expectation.
