And, verbal language as only one component of the overall communicative purpose of verbal and nonverbal language. That is, if one intentionally obscures meaning by taking the technically-correct-but-commonly-unexpected sense of a verbal interaction, without seeking further clarification first--especially if done to subvert another person's intent, then one is questionably acting in good faith, which, over time, has a tendency to erode the foundation of trust between two communicative partners. This creates a situation where one may "win" the argument, but lose in the larger relationship. If the relationship in question has mid- or long-term value or utility to one, then this would appear to be counterproductive.
This jumped out at me as an excellent approach. Just wanted to flag it.
Definitely. That's what I meant when I said "I can't find the words to explain to her that we're a team and our goal is to have a happy, strong family, so we have to work together to achieve that, and trying to outwit me or look for loopholes in my instructions, just means that our team loses.".
She had a chat about 'what I say versus what I mean' where I gave her examples of things I might ask her to do and asked her what else I might have meant, eg. if I say 'keep your bottom on your seat when you're eating' what do you think I really mean? Do you think I mean it's ok to bounce in your seat, so long as your bottom is still on the seat? Do you think it means that you could swing your legs madly? Or tap your knife and fork? Or do you think I mean 'be sensible'? She got it, but I'll keep finding examples and having the same chat. And I need to talk with her about how being right all the time doesn't win you friends. But that will be a chat for another day.
