spaghetti, I think I will be re-reading your post above many times over the next while, as we struggle to deal with some unpleasant and increasingly entrenched habits in the way DD talks to people. Thank you for sharing - and please do feel free to add any more details of how you met this challenge. I think I could use as much advice as you have, especially since DD is 9. Her complete lack of response to any kind of extrinsic motivator has left us highly ineffective in this realm.