Jason, I'm glad you posted here, you'll find that we are a caring group who will listen. As suggested above, I also hope you'll seek a counselor or kind ear to talk to in person - I think it will really help. It sounds like you've been dealt a tough journey so far in your life, but please don't give up hope - there is a lot left to live for and look forward too.
There is probably not much I can say that will matter to you, but if you are listening to me, I'd add just a few things that I've found to be true in this world, and I hope you'll believe me: most people are kind, and most people care. While it sounds like you've given up on finding kindness in this world at this point, please know it's out there. Please give other people a chance. It's easy to build up a wall around ourselves when we're feeling outcast and alone that makes us feel like there is no one who will care, but really - there are a *lot* of people who care. If you feel comfortable with it, talk to a minister or priest or someone/anyone at a local church. Look for a local support group - just give them a call, find someone who will answer a support phone line, google support groups in your area for *anything*. The key is to connect with one person first that just cares about people in some way, in general, and they will most likely do what they can to find you someone else who can help, who might find you someone else, but the idea is - start by finding that first contact. Reach out, not with skepticism, but with our reassurance that there really truly are more *good* people in the world who care than people who don't.
Best wishes,
polarbear
