I feel for everyone with this issue! Unfortunately I have no good suggestions, just sympathy.
I still sit with my kids (DD11 and DS8) for them to fall asleep. DD was able to fall asleep on her own for a while, but then developed anxiety and would panic without me (or DH) sitting on her bed. She also has a sleep story she listens to, lavender spray and a night light. She's also a night-owl and doesn't typically fall asleep before 11pm - and we have tried many things to push this back.
DS8 'needs' to have my arm on him to fall asleep - fortunately he goes to bed earlier and faster than DD. But he still does come to our bed in the night - although this has been gradually been getting later, with more time spent in his own bed. I've tried taking him back to his bed but I'm either too sleepy to pull this off, or I end up sleeping uncomfortably in his bed with him.
Our psychologist suggested that if we wanted things to change we should gradually move out of the room at bedtime (ie. sit further away on the bed, then not on the bed, then by the door, then outside the door). Have not been able to implement this yet however. :-(
