Wandering, for a moment, slightly off the original topic: if only I could teach my spouse not to scrupulously report every dime to customs--one hour later, floor manager demonstrates to half-a-dozen customs agents how to calculate customs duty (which none of them have ever had to do before), because we went over the duty-free allowance, ending with the grand total of $2 of duty, which she promptly waived, because it costs more to process it than to let it go.
On-topic: one of the realizations I've come to in recent years is that, as most of the world is not rational (I expect you all figured that out much earlier!), one cannot rely on reason to communicate with/persuade most people. This is where those with empathetic gifts may need to employ them to determine the actual basis of the communicative partners decision-making, and address that in both verbal and nonverbal communication. For example, run through Maslow's hierarchy and try to zero in on the need most powerfully motivating the other party. Or contemplate some of the most common and powerful emotional motivators, e.g., fear, anger, need for affection/to be liked, insecurity/need for affirmation or respect, need for approval.
And these reflect my much earlier thought, that it may help to reframe honest communication as that expression which most accurately effects one's communicative intent. Which requires code-switching, or internal translation, into the language of the recipient. One is not being dishonest; one is communicating in a language that is comprehensible to the other party. "When you say -this-, the other person hears -that-."
As to being "unnaturally" calm and self-controlled: I suspect that authority figures find this threatening, especially in emotionally-laden situations, as the person who is not overwhelmed by emotion is the one in charge of the situation. (Except, of course, when he/she is not really.) I hesitate to discourage adolescents from managing their emotions in time of crisis, but I do think it may help to recognize that this is experienced by some authority figures as undermining their authority. Therefore, it may be more effective when accompanied by overt gestures of respect and deference.
