Yeah-- it can be problematic because as she ramps up their "you're behaving suspiciously," and "different! Different is BAD! Why are you being DIFFERENT??"
her innate reactions tend to make her get MORE controlled, more polite, and more careful still-- in other words, more "adult," and meanwhile, this is (at least on occasion) the very behavior that led to the problem in the first place. It's very scary to her when she is trying to defuse the situation with an adult who is losing their cool, and the more rational she gets, the more emotionally out of control the adult becomes.
"Can you please call my mom/dad" is a really good idea for younger kids-- and not a bad one for teens, either.
I think that maybe coaching emotional statements is a good idea:
"I'm really feeling confused right now."
"Please stop yelling at me-- you're frightening me."
Anything that reminds the adult that she IS still, really, a child-- and has a child's emotional responses, no matter how well she controls them.
DD's response to law enforcement isn't worrisome to us on the one hand-- she's VERY compliant, not at all belligerent. If anything, she tends to be too supercilious and one step ahead of where most adults are-- which, again, can drive suspicion. For example, if you get pulled over, most people would wait to get their auto registration, but I can see DD reaching for it before being asked-- maybe even before the patrolman got out of his own car, she might already have both license and registration out and ready to hand over. KWIM? That kind of Dudley Do-Right attitude isn't
always a good thing with authority figures that are suspicious of why you're being THAT cooperative.
The TSA agent thing, well-- that one I made up. She managed that one just fine, and was more than able to zip it with the snark in security lines all over N. America and Europe-- though she
later teased me plenty about getting strip-searched over my magnetic
socks in British Columbia after being up for 24 hours.
(Long story).
But suffice it to say that bending the truth often needs to be worked out ahead of time with her-- that is, telling customs that we hadn't been on any farms when we had DRIVEN through one... wasn't a lie that mattered according to the reason behind the law (agricultural importation of invasives and pathogens), and it did save everyone the trouble of them rooting through our luggage before our connecting (also international) flight.
She's quite SCRUPULOUSLY honest with authority figures. Sometimes too much so-- her verbal precision goes to "Spock" under those conditions, and it can drive gut level suspicion, because she is quite clearly NOT impaired in terms of communication or social cues. She just gives off this "too-knowing" kind of vibe, and it makes gaurdian/enforcer authority figures a bit uneasy.
She's also very afraid of every running so far afoul of an authority figure that they separate her from her rescue meds. That fear drives a certain amount of overly supercilious behavior.
