Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I am a hot housing helicopter parent?

Look at the situation that the neurotypical kid faces:

* School is likely to be just hard enough. If the child shows some aptitude in a subject, they can usually access enough challenge or differentiation within their class to keep them happy. The parent never has to worry "is this too easy?" or "is this too hard?" The parent cares about the child's education, prompts them to complete projects and homework, and helps them as necessary.

* Enrichment is provided because of a perceived general benefit (he's in soccer and takes piano because it's good for him). While the child can have input, the parent can also dictate in order to create a more well-rounded individual. There's no expectation that the child will be great, but that's OK.

* An area of talent (music, sports, etc.) is usually nurtured. The child could be good, so the parent may encourage and push the child to work hard (coach says he's great for his age, we're talking about going out for the competitive team).

In the cases above, the parent wouldn't be judged harshly. They would be considered to be normal caring parents (yeah, I didn't like piano lessons either, but it's good for 'em to have some music background). No one minds that the parent cares about their child's academic progress. And hey if he's good at soccer, he should try hard -- maybe get a scholarship!

Now, let's look at the child who is struggling with a LD:

* School is going to require ongoing monitoring and management. Advocacy must be performed, accommodations must be made, the parent must continuously ask "is this too hard", "is this too easy?" They have to marshal resources to help their child be happy and successful in school. The parent cares about the child's education, prompts them to complete projects and homework, and helps them as necessary.

* Enrichment may be necessary for the child to reach their potential. Various therapies and tutoring may be needed. This puts additional pressure on the child and parent but it's important for the child's success and happiness.

* Areas of talent are absolutely pursued. The child receives encouragement and opportunities to reach their potential (she's always struggled in school but she dances like an angel, we hope to send her to an arts high school).

The parent in this scenario, far from being considered a hothouse or helicopter parent, is praised for doing everything that they can do help their child. No one minds that the parent cares about their child's academic progress and is willing to put additional time and effort into that goal.

Now consider a child with a high LOG:

* School is going to require ongoing monitoring and management. Advocacy must be performed, accommodations must be made, the parent must continuously ask "is this too hard", "is this too easy?" They have to marshal resources to help their child be happy and successful in school. The parent cares about the child's education, prompts them to complete projects and homework, and helps them as necessary.

* Enrichment may be necessary for the child to reach their potential. Afterschooling, tutoring, academic camps and classes may be needed. This puts additional pressure on the child and parent but it's important for the child's success and happiness.

* Areas of talent are weighed and prioritized and some of them are absolutely pursued. The child receives encouragement and opportunities to reach their potential. However they may not be able to pursue all their talent areas, so choices must be made (she's a talented pianist, but really loves painting more and is studying with a local artist, plus her swimming schedule means she does't have time for everything she wants to do).

This parent is a terrible hothousing helicopter parent. Shame on them for pressuring their poor child, robbing them of their precious childhood! Boo hiss!

OK, I know this is terribly stereotypical (and doesn't even touch on the challenges parents of 2e kids face).

Our benchmark is longterm happiness. If what we're doing will make her happier in the long run (since, like any child, there are times when she'd rather goof off than do homework in the short run) then we feel OK with it. Coasting cause you're smart... not so good for the happiness.