Kriston, I never meant for this to be an either-or discussion. There are situations where taking a kid out is the right thing to do. You and others have describes kids shutting down as a result of the environment. If my kid shut down, then I would also take action and do it quickly. I thought I had said that pretty clearly in all my posts, but I guess I didn't say it clearly enough, so I am saying it again. If your child is being harmed, you are a doing a good thing by drastically changing that situation which includes pulling them out.
I guess I used our examples because I wanted Doodlebug to not be too hard on herself for not doing something earlier. She and her DS can still learn from this situation. For example, by encouraging her son to be more forthcoming with info in the future, letting him know what is OK to tolerate and what he needs to tell people about. Why didn't he tell her earlier? When should he come to an adult? If these things get figured out now, it can head of problems in the future. And, if, by telling her story, someone else doesn't accept their kid's "everything is OK" when it isn't, that would be a good thing too. I didn't mean to suggest that just because we can learn from something bad, we should activley subject our children to it.
Am I off your black list, yet, K
Oh, SOOOOOOO sorry! Of course you weren't going to an either-or place! I never thought you were! I wasn't going to one either. And you know you can never be on my black list, acs! You certainly weren't here. Oh no, no, no! My fault!
Ah, I knew I was putting my foot in it here...
I just feel really strongly about parental empowerment on this issue.
Maybe I just take this topic to heart too much because I felt so helpless in the face of the school situation we were in. I felt highly pressured--by myself, by my values, by my family, by my community...I don't know for sure--to have my son "gut it out." I just don't think that pressure is healthy.
I didn't mean that YOU were putting that pressure on. Just that you were voicing what I felt when I was in that situation. I just wanted to open the door to people who need permission to NOT teach those lessons to their kids. Sometimes, they're not lessons worth learning. I needed that permission. Happily, I had a friend who gave it to me. That's all I was trying to do here for others.
Really, I don't think we're far apart on this at all. In your shoes, I'd have probably done the same thing you did, and I suspect that in my shoes, you'd have been with me. It's more about where our experiences led us to place our emphasis.
And I'm TOTALLY with you about not wanting doodlebug to second-guess. That's not helpful to anyone.
Are we good? I hope!
